Turnabout 1
Eight
By Chris G
Monday morning, the first thing I saw as I walked through the school’s main doors was Josh, surrounded by the toadies. I gulped.
I wondered if the night before had all been a dream. It felt like it was in some ways, but on the whole I was pretty sure it hadn’t been. I must’ve stood out on the sidewalk for fully five minutes after Josh had driven away. I think it was only the cold which finally broke me from my reverie. He’d actually reached over and squeezed my hand! My God!
I’d drifted in through the door and said hi to my parents. I’m pretty sure mom asked me if I’d had a good time at Josh’s, but I wasn’t really at all sure what I’d said in reply, or even if I’d really even answered. I’d just gone upstairs and flopped on my bed, staring vacantly at the ceiling.
What a head rush. Thoughts, feelings, impressions, things I wasn’t even sure were accurate memories had sloshed around in my head. And over all of them, the sound of Josh’s vibrant, joyous laughter. It was that more than anything else which had convinced me that what had taken place in the park, and had developed at his place, was for real.
It must have been like five times that I’d reached for the phone to call Will. And each time I’d merely touched the receiver before drawing my hand back. What was I going to tell him? I’d said to Josh that I hadn’t even told Will about the locker room incident. That pretty well meant, as far as I was concerned anyway, that I couldn’t tell him now. But what sort of footing did that put our relationship on? I mean, this was a pretty major event. If I kept on developing a friendship with Josh, how was I going to explain it? Sleep finally came, but it came hard.
Will had joined me as usual for the walk to school. He’d seemed pretty hesitant. Not that I’d had any trouble figuring out why, what with the way I’d left him Sunday afternoon. My face started to burn as soon as I’d thought of it. Of course, Will had noticed. He noticed everything.
“Davy?” he’d said, his voice almost shaking.
“Yeah?”
“What was the matter with you yesterday? I mean, the way you left…” His voice trailed off almost despairingly.
I’d winced. Geez, the pain I was causing him was so obvious. And what had he done to deserve any of it? It was all due to my own uncertainty about myself, an uncertainty which, with the events of Sunday evening, was becoming even greater. Where was I going? I sure as hell didn’t know. But I had to do something for Will.
No one had been in sight. Briefly, I’d put my arm around his waist and hugged him to me. That simple act had brought a big smile to his face. “Will, I’m really sorry about that. But…” And inspiration descended upon me. “See, the thing is… I’m still really so… how can I put this?… just so buzzed by this thing that’s happened between us that at times it scares me. Like, I was really into what we were doing all weekend, but then you started talking about today and it just brought all that reality back to me and I couldn’t figure out where this thing that we have fit into it. And it just, like, scared me. So, what do you do when you’re scared? You run!”
Tell just enough truth without telling the whole truth. That’s what they’ve always said about how to lie successfully. With that line of bull, I’d just created a new David Preston: Master Liar.
Will had relaxed visibly as he listened to me. “Davy, Davy,” he’d said in that calm, soothing voice he knew how to use so well, “just relax, man! I know it’s a big step we’ve taken, but there are two of us. Never forget we’ve got each other!” And he’d very briefly reached out and touched my cheek.
Which had reminded me of Josh reaching out to squeeze my hand. And that memory had done nothing but bring me back to the beginning of the whole thing again. Fuck!
And now, here I was, with Will beside me, standing there looking at Josh and the toadies. A snort of derision sounded from Will. “Look at them! The guy’s standing there knee-deep in slobber!” he growled in disgust.
Then, Josh turned to say something to one of them, and as he did so he caught sight of me. His eyes seemed to flash. At least, I felt something reach out and send a tingle through me which shot up and down my spine and almost made my head spin. And then, my head did start to spin because Josh’s face split into this big grin and he broke out of the group to come toward me.
I mean, it was for all the world like one of those god-awful romance flicks where the guy and the girl, no matter how many other people are around them, are suddenly alone. The toadies seemed to fade into a dim black and white, and I no longer had any notion of Will still being there. There was no one but Josh and me.
He came up to me, grinned another big grin, and said, “Hi, David!” And he reached out and lightly slapped me on the shoulder.
I was reminded of Will’s presence by what I swear was the sound of his lower jaw hitting the floor. Josh’s slap seemed to bring the rest of the world back into focus as well. It seemed as though the toadies were having as hard a time as Will with this. They appeared to be frozen in place. I’d never seen shock and amazement displayed in so many different ways as that group was demonstrating right at the moment. I almost wished I’d had enough time to observe it more fully. It was kind of interesting.
Anyway, there were more important things to accomplish here. “Uh, hi, Josh! How ya doin?”
“Pretty good, after last night!”
Oh boy. I’d better get this one cleared up fast. I could just feel Will radiating consternation. “Uh, Josh, uh, I don’t think you’ve, uh, properly met my friend Will. Will, Josh.” Fuck, I should start writing an etiquette column for the school newspaper.
Josh handled it manfully and simply. He stuck out his hand and said, “Will, man, I hope you can forgive me for all that shit last week. David and I had a chance yesterday to sort it all out, and I’m really glad.”
By this time, Will had got his jaw winched up to an almost normal position. Josh’s statement made him almost lose it again. But after a moment’s hesitation, he took Josh’s hand and stammered, “Swell, great! I mean, sure, if you guys are OK then I am too.”
This byplay was not lost on the toadies. They had changed from astonishment to puzzlement. One of them made the bold move of calling out to their leader. “Hey, Josh?”
Josh swung his head and snapped, “Later, Stu!”
Stu’s face took on, I swear to God, the same look as a slapped puppy. The rest of them copied it. They couldn’t believe that their god was leaving them all by themselves. I had a brief flash of fantasy that, if we came back to look later in the day, we’d find them all milling aimlessly around in that one spot, not knowing what to do until they were told. I smiled. I liked that fantasy.
Josh put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me along with him. “Well, David, we’ve got to go get ready for the day!” Will shot a look at me which I had no trouble interpreting: “What the fuck is going on here?” I quickly mouthed, “Later!” at him, and he fell in beside us as we moved towards our lockers. I couldn’t resist looking quickly behind us at the staring toadies, and sticking my tongue out at them. I’m just so mature.
Bells started ringing for classes all too soon. We had no chance to get anything more sorted out, especially for Will, who was trying his best to behave as though he understood everything that was happening. Josh chatted away happily and with no trace of hesitation. He took it for granted that everything was solved, and hey—from his point of view it was. I was the one who was struggling to keep everything together.
Josh had a completely different schedule from mine and Will’s, and even then Will had only a couple of classes in common with me, none of which occurred before lunch. I was hoping to have some time then to bring him up to speed, not that I even knew how I was going to accomplish that without spilling a whole lot more than I really wanted to. But just as I got my mouth open to tell him to be sure to hook up with me at the end of the morning, Josh got off a final remark which blew that out of the water.
“Hey, how about we blow this Popsicle stand at lunch time? Let’s go get real food. Just you and me!” he said, staring into my eyes. Whoa, melt down. Will was standing right beside me, and I didn’t dare look at him. In fact, I didn’t dare do much of anything, what with Josh’s eyes turning me into mush. I wasn’t too sure I could come up with my own name at that point. And again, Josh saved it. “And Will too, of course!”
“Now that sounds like a plan!” came Will’s emphatic response. He’d brought his lunch of course, the way we always did, but neither of us cared much for what was in those brown paper bags. We used any excuse to keep from eating it—even cafeteria food when we had the money to spend. “Where would we go?”
“Anywhere you feel like,” said Josh expansively. “I’ve got the Trans Am. Hell, we could make it anywhere.”
The two-minute warning bell sounded, and we automatically started to move apart. “Let’s think about it during the morning, and we’ll make up our minds when we meet,” I called to them, and they both nodded.
I scampered for English, which was a considerable distance away from our lockers. I skidded into my seat just as the final bell sounded. To say that I spent that period in a state of distraction would be an understatement. I kept rehearsing the explanation of all of this I would give to Will, when finally we were alone.
It was weird, really. After one night, just a few short hours, and already what I was feeling for Josh went way beyond anything I could account for. How could this complete, stuck-up prick, this tyrant, this fiend in human form, have so quickly become the magnet of my romantic fantasies? And now even the fantasies were taking on a tinge of reality. Josh was just so… so totally opposite to what he had been. Was it me that had been way off base, or had he really made a huge switch? Tell me, does your life sometimes make your head spin?
“Well, Mr. Preston? Do favor us with an answer sometime soon!” Mr. Rosenblatt’s insistent, shrill tenor finally broke in on my reverie. I hadn’t the first, the faintest, the most sub-atomic notion of what he’d been saying ever since the class began, let alone what he had asked me just now. I was totally adrift.
“Uh, Josh!” I blurted out. Everyone looked at me as though my had just split open, and all of my marbles had come tumbling out. “I mean, uh, gosh!” Oh, nice save, David! “I mean, gee, that’s a… a very deep question, Mr. Rosenblatt.” Nice suck-up, David.
“The name of our protagonist is hardly a matter of deep literary speculation, Mr. Preston.” The class roared. My face took on its typical deep red hue. “Now, let’s be frank Mr. Preston. I don’t believe you’ve been with us at all since the class began. Is that a fair estimate of the situation?”
“I… I think it is, Mr. Rosenblatt.” No weaseling on this one. My head was in no shape to handle anything at this point.
“And is there any particular reason for this absence of thought, Mr. Preston?”
“Ah… yes, Mr. Rosenblatt. I… I’ve got a lot on my mind.” Fuck! Where had that come from? I just blurted it out without even thinking! I told you I was in no shape to handle anything—obviously, nothing heavier than how to find my way to school.
“Well, Mr. Preston, as you are obviously laboring under severe strain, perhaps we should excuse you for the time being. Check with me this afternoon before you leave, if you please.” And with that, he gestured toward the door. My God, he was serious! He was dismissing me! I slowly closed the book I’d opened at random when I had first sat down, shoved it into my backpack, and slowly walked out. The rest of the class sat in stunned silence. They hadn’t ever seen anything like this before, and neither had I. Of course, I was on barely more than auto-pilot.
Just outside the door I came to a dead stop, leaned against the wall, and closed my eyes. If this kept up, I was going to be in serious do-do. I had to get my head straightened out fast. Something had to be decided, and soon.
“David?”
My eyes snapped open. Will.
“Uh, hi!” I said, semi-brightly.
“Davy, what are you doing out here?” Will had taken in, with his usual swiftness, the fact that I was out of class with all my possessions, which meant I wasn’t just taking a bathroom break. Which I presumed he was.
“Well, uh, Mr. Rosenblatt asked me to leave.”
“What! What did you do?” Will was aghast, as well he might be. I mean, I was such a good boy. And, after all, this was an AP class.
“Well, I guess I wasn’t paying attention. And he asked me a perfectly simple question that I couldn’t answer. And I couldn’t answer it because I didn’t even know what he’d asked me.”
I’d begun walking down the hall, away from Will, dragging my backpack along the floor beside me. Will moved up beside me and grabbed my arm to stop me.
“Davy, what is all this about? That business with Josh this morning—just what is going on?”
“Good question. I wish I knew!”
“Well, could you maybe start by filling me in on the facts? What happened between you yesterday? Where did all that come from?”
“Look, Will, this is going to take more time than you have right now. One of us bounced from class is bad enough. Let’s not make it two.”
“And on the other hand, this is starting to sound too serious to wait any longer. OK, here’s what we’ll do. Get your coat and meet me at the cafeteria door…” he paused to look at his watch. “Class is over in ten minutes. Meet me then. OK?” He was doing his in-charge thing again.
“OK,” I said dully, and started moving away. What was I going to say to him? How was I going to get out of this without screwing everything up? Was I going somewhere with Josh? Was I leaving Will? Could someone please give me a map? I didn’t even realize when Will turned away to head back to his class.
We ended up walking down the street, away from the school. Both of us were jigging our second period. Neither of us mentioned the fact. All of our attention was focused on my seemingly-changed relationship with Josh.
“OK, David, fill me in,” were Will’s first words to me. He was still in that very dominant role he’d taken on in the hall.
“Well,” I began, “he called me right after I got back from your place yesterday.” And I proceeded to relate our meeting at the park, the trip to his house, and dinner with his parents. Very brief, very factual, no details, no feelings.
“Well, that gives me the big picture. Now the big question is, where did all this come from? I mean, what made him phone you?”
“Don’t know.” And I held my breath.
“You don’t know?” came his incredulous response. “What do you mean you don’t know?” He was actually starting to sound shrill. “This piece of shit puts us through absolute hell for an entire week for no reason, and then he suddenly calls you up and apologizes?” The last word was delivered in such an outraged intensity that his voice actually cracked.
I delivered my usual response. My face started burning with the usual fire-engine-red glow.
“David, what are you not telling me?”
“Will, I… I… I…”
We had wandered into the park, the scene of yesterday’s meeting with Josh. At this hour of the morning, the place was deserted. We had found some shelter from the cold wind behind a screen of trees. Which is probably why Will figured he could do what he then did. He grabbed me by both shoulders and slammed me up against a tree trunk.
“David,” he said with great force, through gritted teeth. “What did that fucker do to you?”
The next thing I knew, Will was looking up at me from the ground with a slightly dazed expression, and I was rubbing my very sore knuckles. I shook my head, hard. And oddly enough, a few things fell into place. Where did Will get off with this shit?
“Will, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Will shook his head as well, and scrambled to his feet. He started moving toward me again.
“Hold it right there, man. Don’t come at me again.”
“I’m not ‘coming at you’! Why did you hit me?”
“I don’t appreciate being manhandled, Will!”
“Look, Davy,” began Will in a soothing tone, and putting his hand on my shoulder.
I shrugged it off immediately and took a step back. “Will,” I growled, “keep your distance!”
“Keep my distance?” snorted Will. “This is beginning to sound like some bad cop flick!”
“Well, until you stop behaving as though you own me or something, I’m not letting you near me.”
“Davy,” came the soothing voice again. “Obviously that asshole really did a number on you. I think…”
I broke in on him. “That ‘asshole’, as you call him, made what I believe was a very sincere apology for what he did. He was a completely different person last night and again this morning. And you accepted his apology, too. Now you’re putting him down. What’s with that?”
“So how does a person change that much, huh? And how come you’re so willing to believe that he has changed? What did he do to you, David?” The growl was back.
“Well, if you’re wondering how a person can change so much so suddenly, perhaps you should try checking yourself out before you start asking about someone else!” I was actually yelling at him.
Will’s face took on a puzzled expression. “What do you mean, check myself out? I’m the same guy I always was. I love you, Davy!” he finished plaintively.
“You have a funny way of showing it!” For some reason, I was getting more upset with each thing he said.
“Look, Davy,” came the soothing voice once more, “let’s just forget the past few minutes and talk this thing through. I’m just trying to help you see which end is up. You and I mean something to each other. Josh means nothing. He may have changed his tune—so what? He doesn’t count. He leaves us alone, we get on with our lives—and our loving.”
The way he said that last bit sounded so wrong I can’t tell you. It was like a totally different person speaking, and that person was someone I didn’t want to know. He was moving in on me again, with this perverted smile on his face. He didn’t sound like Will, he didn’t look like Will. I actually shook my head as though I could clear my vision. I put out my hand to hold him off.
“Who the fuck are you, anyway?” I snapped.
“Huh? What do you mean, David?” His face took on a completely puzzled look.
“I mean just that: who are you? Who just said that last thing: ‘and our loving’? It didn’t sound like Will.”
“Babe, it is me! Christ, that son of a bitch has really screwed you up!” Then his eyes seemed to catch fire. “Is that it? Is that what happened? Oh, I get it now! He didn’t screw you up—he just screwed you! That’s what happened, isn’t it?” Will’s voice was getting higher and higher, louder and louder. “Did he get you over to his place and come on to you? Did you decide to see what a jock bod was like to play with? Huh?”
“Will, shut the fuck up!” I yelled. “Do you want the whole world to hear this? Nothing happened! Nothing at all!”
“Oh, I think something happened, all right!” said Will, more quietly but with a cold, sneering tone. “I wasn’t good enough for you! I’m just the total geek who’s also three parts dork!” He stood, breathing hard, glaring at me.
“Will, man, you know better than that! You’ve been the greatest thing that’s happened to me in my entire life! You’ve let me see what love is! But now you’re going all weird on me here! Where is all this coming from? Why do you think there’s something going on between Josh and me?”
Ouch. That last question hurt a little. And, damn his perceptive eyes, Will didn’t miss the little bit of hesitation I must have given when I asked it. Even mad as he was, he didn’t miss it.
“Well, I know now that there is something going on with you two. I can see it. There’s something you’re not telling me. I want to know what it is.” He closed in on me again, fast.
That did it. This was going no further. I shoved him away from me, so hard he stumbled. “Will, until you get yourself straightened out, you’re not going to know it. I was wrong about what I thought of you before we got together, and from everything I’ve seen just now, it looks like I’ve been wrong about you again. I thought you were someone who could love me and help me, and someone I could love in return. Looks like all I am is just some sort of possession you’re afraid of losing. Well, guess what? You just lost it.”
And with that, I turned and walked away, back toward the school and Josh.
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