Turnabout 2

Eight

By Chris G

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“Joshua, I need a few words with you.”

Josh and I had just come crashing through his front door, both still totally foolish from our session at the park and the astounding discovery that the two of us had been operating with the same intent on our two love-sick admirers. His father’s voice brought us to a quick and painful halt.

There it was again. “Joshua”. The use of that name boded no good. Josh turned slowly to me and said, “David, just go on down to my room. I’ll be there in a few.”

I nodded and moved away without saying anything. Josh went up to his father who was standing in the door of his study. I went into Josh’s room and flopped down onto the beanbag, my favorite place. I picked up the remote and started idly flipping through the satellite channels. So many choices, so little to see. What was going on between the two of them was all I could think about. The images and sounds being presented to me had a hard time making it through.

The door opened and Josh came in. Well, he did, but how to describe it? It was kind of like a cross between one guy on his way to the execution chamber and another guy about to set out on a search and destroy mission. I’d never seen two so contrary emotions combined in one person.

“What’s up?” was all I could muster by way of a greeting.

“The game, I think,” was Josh’s teeth-clenched reply.

“Huh?”

“Debbie called Dad.”

“Oh.”

“Yup.”

“And she said…?”

“Oh, she said quite a lot, I guess.” Josh was so worked up he hadn’t come to a stop since he’d entered the room. His feet must have covered every square inch of the floor that wasn’t occupied by something. He was moving fast, and wasn’t showing any sign yet of slowing down. “Yeah, a lot. Thing is, the way Dad was talking to me, I think she must have lost her nerve or something. I mean, about saying anything straight out. The clearest thing she was saying was that you were interfering in her relationship with me.”

“Wow. What did you say to that?”

“I said, ‘What relationship?’ And he started in on me about how important it was for me to have a connection with ‘some suitable girl’. And I asked him what made Debbie so suitable. Of course, he started going on about social position and all that crap…”

He still hadn’t stopped. I was afraid to interfere with him. It was as though if I stopped him, he’d explode or something. I confined myself to prompting, “And…?”

“I lost it. I said, if she’s all that suitable how come she doesn’t behave any better. And he asked what that meant. So I… I told him what happened at the party she’d invited me to.”

From his hesitation, I immediately realized how much it had cost Josh to tell his father that. The kind of revulsion he’d felt to Debbie’s moves I could understand, but I wondered if his dad could. I had to know. “So, how did he react?”

Josh finally stopped his pacing and stood staring out the window, his back to me. “He asked me what was so wrong with that.” The babble of the TV was all that was left in the room. I killed the system, and heaved myself up to go stand behind Josh. I put my hands gently on his shoulders, nothing more. I didn’t say anything. I just offered my presence.

I don’t know how long we stood there, silent. Josh’s body started to tremble. “He was laughing, David. He was laughing in that kind of lecherous, old-guy way. You know, like that Monty Python “nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say-no-more” thing. He thought it was really cool!” Josh went on, his voice filled with disgust. “I was so mad I couldn’t even say anything for a while. And then I just turned around and walked out without a word.”

He continued to stare out the window, without saying anything more. His hands started to clench and unclench themselves. He was obviously working up to something. His breath started to come more rapidly. It was as though he were getting ready to do some really difficult move, like in gymnastics or something. Suddenly he spun and grabbed me by the shoulders.

“David, how much do you love me?”

I gabbled. God help me, I stood there and sputtered for what seemed like minutes on end, but which was probably no more than seconds. But I failed him. When he needed me, I failed him. His hands dropped and his face, which had had a determined, almost severe look, fell. He went over to the beanbag and just dropped into it.

All right David, you stupid fuck-up, now go and fix this. And get it right! I went over and knelt beside him. No useless excuses were going to work here. Go straight to the issue. “Josh,” I said, putting a firm grip on his bicep, “what do you want to do? Whatever it is, I’m with you.”

He looked up at me, then put both arms around me and pulled me down onto him. His cheek rested against mine as I buried my head in his shoulder. “Oh, God, David! I’m sorry I did that to you! Only a couple of days and I’m putting all this pressure on you…”

I pulled back a little. “Josh,” I said, and looked square into his eyes, “you know I love you. How much is not an issue. I just… love you. Now, what do we do?”

He teared up. I put both thumbs gently under his eyes and brushed the tears away. “It’s you and me, man. All the way,” I whispered and kissed him once, gently.

He pulled me into a bear hug and then lightened the hold. “I want us to talk to Mom.”

I let that sink in a moment, and then said, “You mean, about us.” A statement, not a question.

He hesitated just for a second. “Yeah.”

“OK.”

He pushed me up so that he could look me in the eyes. “OK? Just like that?”

“OK. Just like that.”

“Wow,” he breathed.

“Now,” I said, trying to sound almost business-like, “what do we do after that?”

He hesitated longer this time. “Dad.”

“Ohhhh, man,” I whispered. Then I gave my head a shake and went on. “You’re thinking that if we can get your Mom on side, she’ll help take care of your Dad?”

“You got it. Thing is, David,” he said, pushing me up and way, and then getting up himself, “thing is, I’ve got to get him off me. This whole social-position, right-girl, right-job crap has just got to stop. It’s not me. It’s not who I am.” He started pacing the room again, looking more like a caged tiger than before. “He’s got to understand that.”

“So basically you’re going to throw your being gay in his face?”

That stopped the pacing. He turned toward me. “You say that as though you don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Oh, I think it would work, all right,” I said. “But are you prepared for the other consequences?”

“What other consequences?”

“Look, you want to be your own man, do your own thing, get out from under his thumb, right?”

“Yeah.”

“OK, so why complicate that with a side issue?”

“Being gay is a side issue?” His voice actually broke it went so high.

“To the thing between you two right now it is.”

“So how do I explain how I reacted when he thought Debbie groping me was way OK?”

“Maybe that you have taste and he doesn’t.”

Josh snorted with laughter. “Yeah! That’d take him down a notch! I like it!” He sobered up quickly. “Man, I just don’t know what to do! I have to get him off my back!” It was becoming a mantra.

“Look, Josh. I think talking to your mother is a good idea. I think we can pretty well count on her to be cool with all the stuff about us. Let’s talk to her, the sooner the better. But let’s ask her what to do about your Dad. How about that?”

“David, you’ve done it again. Man, without you I’m never going to be able to get through life.”

I went up to him and put my arms around him. “And I believe more strongly every day that I’ll never be able to get through life without you.”

We stood there for I don’t know how much longer, just nuzzling each other. If you’ve been in love with someone, you’ll know what I mean. If I put it down in words, what we were actually doing to each other I mean, it would just look so stupid. About the closest thing you could compare it to would be two animals getting used to each other’s scent or whatever it is they do when they’re socializing. Sounds kind of like those nature shows when you put it like that, but that’s actually what it makes me think of.

Anyway, we finally let go of each other and set out to find Mrs. Barrett. Josh started looking kind of spooked the moment he set foot outside his door, but we made it to the front door without incident. No sign of his Dad. He figured his mother would be in her suite of offices over the big garage building, and he was right. We took the set of outside stairs up to the second level, and as we climbed we could hear her voice, obviously speaking to someone on the phone.

We walked into her office as quietly as possible so as not to disturb her conversation. She swiveled around in her chair and gave Josh and me a cheery wave, then made a grimace of distaste and that ‘yak-yak-yak’ motion with her hand and actually pulled the phone well away from her ear before bringing it back. We grinned at her and then at each other. She started making that circular motion with her hand, seemingly to encourage the other person to get to the point. It was one of those demonstrations of the fact that it’s sometimes a good thing that video phones are still a very rare feature.

“Yes, I’m sure that would be lovely.” Mrs. Barrett had finally gotten a chance to speak, and she didn’t waste it. “You know, we should talk about this some more, but I’ve just had some people come in I absolutely must deal with right away. Listen, I’ll give you a call and maybe we can get together for lunch and have a chance for a really thorough discussion. All right? Fine. Goodbye!”

She hung up and leaned back dramatically. “Finally! I thought I’d never get her off the phone! Thank you so much for coming to my rescue so I didn’t have to outright lie to her!”

Josh seemed a little tongue-tied, so I answered for him. “You’re very welcome, Mrs. Barrett. I know what that sort of thing is like from watching my parents deal with customers. When they’re home, I mean.”

That last sentence came out in a way that made Mrs. Barrett’s eyebrows pull down, removing the laughter from her face. “David, it really pains me to think that your parents ignore you as much as they do. Josh, do you feel that way about your father and me?”

“Absolutely not!” he answered right away. And you could tell he meant it. “You’re always there when I need you. And, I really need you right now,” he rushed on. You could tell that he’d been really nervous about how to start things going, and he’d seized the opening like a drowning man grabbing a life jacket. When he said, “I really need you right now,” the ‘you’ came out with very heavy emphasis.

“This sounds serious,” said his mom. “You’d better grab some chairs and sit down.”

We moved a couple of chairs up close to her desk, and Mrs. Barrett wheeled hers out from behind it so that we were all sitting together quite closely. “Now, what’s all this about, Josh?”

“Well, mom, it’s about… I mean, I haven’t been feeling… Well, it’s really this thing with Dad… but, before that… God, I can’t do this!” His hands were clenching the sides of his chair. “I don’t know how to do this!”

His mother reached out and stroked his arm, then took both his hands in hers. “Don’t try so hard, Josh. It’s probably complicated, but we can sort it out. Just try this: what’s the most important thing that you want to tell me?”

Josh took a quick look over at me, then looked back at his mother. He swallowed. I saw his hands tighten around hers. His mouth opened, then shut. His gaze dropped to the floor. He tried again to speak, choked a little, and then said very quietly, “I love David.”

I was frozen in place. I mean, sure, this is what we had come to talk about. I just don’t know if I’d have come at it quite that plainly quite that fast. Josh had been saying that I was the direct one, but he sure put me to shame with that move.

Mrs. Barrett didn’t say anything right away. Josh was still gripping her hands tightly, still looking down at the floor. I could see her tightening her grip to match his. Without removing her gaze from him, she said, just as quietly as he had, and very slowly, “Josh, do you truly mean that?”

That made Josh look up. He’d kind of hunched down when he’d made his first statement but under his mother’s gaze, which was at the moment completely open, without showing any kind of reaction at all, he straightened his back and took a very large breath. “Yes, I do really mean that. David has been the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

She nodded slowly. “Yes, I understand. I’ve been thinking the same thing myself.” At that, Josh’s gaze slid over to me. He looked a little startled.

Mrs. Barrett’s gaze also swung to me. “And how about you, David? What do you feel about my son?”

Her saying “my son” that way kind of unnerved me a little. I started thinking about mother tigers and stuff like that. You know, that protective instinct and how mother animals will protect their cubs… Why I was on this animal kick all of a sudden, I don’t know. But that’s just what I was thinking.

“Well,” I started, and then choked. While I was clearing that up, I thought about how Josh had just dived in, and figured I might as well too. I didn’t want to let him down again. “Mrs. Barrett, I love your son very much. It’s been a real surprise to me just how much, because until a few days ago I had no idea really what love was. And now I’ve found out.”

Josh’s attention was fully on me the moment I started to speak, and by the time I was finished and snuck a peek at him, his eyes were shining. Mrs. Barrett spotted it too.

“David, I have to thank you again for what you’ve done for Josh. You know,” she said, transferring her gaze back to him, “I’ve been very worried about you for some time now. I just didn’t know how to start finding out what was going on. And just maybe you wouldn’t have known how to tell me. But… you mentioned your father, Josh. What does he have to do with this?”

With attention diverted from our mutual declaration of love, Josh had no trouble unloading all his troubles over his father’s attitude toward him. He went through all his pressuring about status, the right everything, and then, with only a little hesitation, the incident with Debbie and his father’s latest conversation with him.

As his recital wound down, Mrs. Barrett’s eyebrows were again pulling down into the “very disturbed” position.

“I thought that might be what it was. I’ve been noticing a few things over the past little while, but that business with Debbie really bothers me. I wish you’d come to me when that happened, Josh.”

“Well, I wanted to, mom, but it was kind of embarrassing and everything… and I really didn’t know if you would react the same way.”

“Well, you needn’t worry about that now. I definitely do not agree with tactics such as that, nor the kind of attitudes that lead to them. And if I had that young lady here right now…”

Just what I was wishing. What I wouldn’t have given to see Debbie being reduced to a puddle by Mrs. Barrett. She would be more than a match for Debbie’s snooty little bitch persona.

“David,” she continued, “we’ve been leaving you out. As a person newly on the scene in all this, what’s your thinking?”

I was momentarily flustered. Me? What I thought? After some initial scrambling, I came up with what Josh and I had been talking about just before we’d set out to find her. “So you see, with Josh feeling the way he does about his father, which goes back for such a long time, I think it might be better not to hit him with the news about… about us, right off. Better to fix the other problem first, if it’s possible. And wait a while before letting him know the rest. If possible. I mean, you never know. If Debbie thinks she knows something, and gets desperate enough…”

Mrs. Barrett was nodding slowly again. “David, I think you’re right on the money with this one. Josh, you and I are going to have a talk with your father. And the sooner the better. This nonsense has got to stop.” Turning to me, she said, “Mr. Barrett is really a decent man. But his father put some of these ideas into his head when he was about Josh’s age, and it’s pretty hard to shake off the years he’s spent thinking that way. I’ve tried to tone him down when he’s made them obvious, but I think the time has come for him to realize that his son’s happiness comes first. As for Miss Deborah Harkins… well, just leave her to me.” And her mouth set into a grim line.

When I saw that, I made a mental note to be sure I got my tickets, front row center, for the performance. There was no way I wanted to miss that one.

Josh got up and hugged his mother until she squawked a protest. She patted his cheek and told him not to worry any more. “We’ll get this settled, the three of us. And don’t be afraid to speak your mind when you do. It’s your life, and you’ve got to live it for yourself the best way you know how. And David, I can’t thank you enough for coming into Josh’s life this way. As I said to you before, it’s just as though you’ve brought him back to me.” She actually teared up at that, and impulsively threw her arms around me and hugged me. I hesitated only a moment, and hugged her right back.

Then I let go, and threw my arm over Josh’s shoulder, putting him into a headlock. He flailed, and Mrs. Barrett called a halt. “Get out of my office, you two, before you wreck the place. Actually, David, it might be best if you went home now so Josh and I can get this issue solved as quickly as possible.”

I’d told Josh not to bother driving me home, that he should stay back and get himself psyched up for the talk with his Dad which, given his mother’s drive, would be happening very soon. I was totally psyched about what had just taken place, and after Josh and I had hit ground level I’d yanked him into the nearby trees for some more enthusiastic discussion. Well, no. Actually, some more enthusiastic necking. I left him with a big smile on his face and I more or less floated down the drive and came to at the bus stop about a mile away from his place.

I did remember to come out of my daydream in time to get off the bus at the stop closest to my place, and came up the sidewalk toward my house whistling and generally carrying on as though absolutely nothing could be considered wrong or even doubtful in my world. I turned into my driveway and looked up toward the house. Sitting on the steps going up to the front door sat Stu.

Debbie, Stu. Debbie, Stu. It seemed as though every time we had to deal with one, the other popped up. It made me think that we were going to have to get one or the other of these guys out of our hair before they drove us nuts, or worse. Oh well, into the fray.

“Good afternoon, Stuart.” I decided to go the formal route. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

“Knock it off, Preston. You and me’s gotta have a talk.”

I winced at the ungrammatical presentation of his statement. OK, I’m a nut about clear, precise communication. Sue me already.

“And what are we going to talk about?”

“Me and Josh.”

“And exactly where do I come into this?” Of course, I pretty well knew the answer to that. But it’s always safest, when you’ve got something to protect, not to say too much or even to assume to much. Let the other guy do most of the talking, is my rule.

“You know.” Of course, the above rule doesn’t work that great if the other guy doesn’t want to talk.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Explain it to me.” I’ve never played tennis, but I think it’s gotta be pretty much like this.

“What did you do to him?” A pretty fair forehand smash, that one.

“Stuart, anything that’s happened with Josh he’s done for himself.” A soft lob back. I didn’t want to beat him too badly because I needed him for Will. Yeah, I hoped.

“Yeah, but it all happened since you’ve been around, and it’s happened pretty fast.”

“So just what is it you think I’ve done?”

“Listen, man, stop jerking me around! You think you’re such a smartass! I’m going to knock you on your ass if you don’t watch your smart mouth!”

“Ok, Stu. You probably could. Easily, in fact.” He was certainly taller and bulkier than me. “And once you did that, what would it get you?”

He glared at me for a few seconds, and then it seemed as though someone had pulled the stopper out of him, and he just deflated. With the last of the air coming out was a breathy “Fuck!” But it had no life to it. It was like a dying gasp. He stared at me a few seconds longer and then moved off the steps and started slowly down the driveway.

This was definitely not what I wanted. I called after him. “Stu! Wait!” He just kept moving. I got brave. I ran up behind him and grabbed his arm.

He swung around. “What?” he demanded.

“Stu, talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you. Maybe we can fix it.”

He stood looking at me, not saying anything. I decided to really try with him. “Look, man, let’s stop pushing each other, ok? I want to help you. Really. Listen, come on inside.” I could see him starting to waver, and repeated, “Come on.”

He started to move back up the drive, and I fell in beside him. Inside, I offered him something to drink. We went into the living room with our glasses and flopped side by side on the couch. I started in with my usual directness. From the way he’d behaved in the cafeteria, I figured he’d like that approach.

“Right, Stu. What’s bothering you?”

“Josh was my friend Now he isn’t.”

“Umm, Stu…”

“Yeah, I know what Josh said in the cafeteria. He’s wrong. Look, Dave, me and Josh were close. I don’t care what he says now. We were close. We were buds. We were together all the time. Now we’re not. Ever since you came along. You did something to him. I wanna know what.”

Which put the ball squarely back on my side of the net, and I had to return it. Somehow. I took a big breath. “Stu, all I can tell you is that I’m not sure what I’ve done to Josh. I’d seen him around ever since I started in that school, but the first time I’d ever talked to him was that day I flattened him in the hall. Then he started all that revenge shit when he came back from suspension. You know about that, cause you were part of it. One day I had enough. He and I… had a discussion. I don’t know. I guess he saw the error of his ways. We moved past all the crap. If I did anything to him, I guess that was it.”

Stu had listened with his head down, staring at the floor. I don’t know whether I’d talked too long or not, but when I’d finished, he was right back with his answer. “There’s got to be a whole lot more to it than that. What you just said doesn’t explain the way you two are now.”

Uh-oh. “What do you mean, the way we are now?”

“I’ve been watching you the last couple of days. You probably didn’t notice, but I wanted to know just what was going on, why Josh was so different all of a sudden. I’ve noticed some stuff.”

Real big uh-oh.

“And I think I know what’s really going on.”

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