Begin Anew

By Dabeagle

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Readers: I am so sorry for the long wait, but I hope you enjoy this latest offering. My OT schedule is wreaking havoc right now with just about my entire schedule, so this is no different! So, please send me your comments, don't be shy, and we'll see you again in a few weeks!

"I put my hand upon the lever, said let it rock and let it roll" - Dire Straits

Chapter 8-A
Feel Like A Bullet

If I need to tell you I ran all the way home, you obviously haven’t been paying attention! I fairly flew through backyards and over fences, ducking clothes lines and hurdling shrubbery. I did however have the presence of mind to avoid the yard with the Doberman Pinscher, although I admittedly stepped in a smaller species, ah, well you know. I mounted the steps to the porch and bounded through the door, racing down the hall to Chris’s room to find him sprawled on his bed listening to his headphones. I paused quickly to gather myself.

"Chris! What were you doing in that car?" I stated loudly. Guess I should have gathered a little longer, huh?

"Huh?" Chris grunted as he casually removed his head phones. "What’d you say? And what’s that smell?"

"I saw you leaving school," I said attempting to be casual as I ignored the question, "And it looked like you had an attractive driver. Who was it?"

"Oh, him? That was Casey."

"Oh? And how did it happen that you were with him?" I asked very unsuavely. More like hungrily.

"Well," he began, the picture of sweet innocence, "He asked me to ride with him in order to talk. Then he put his hand on my knee, and then...well, we talked for a long time."

I stood with my mouth open and, I am sure, a red pallor spreading across my incredulous face. Chris broke down and laughed so hard that tears actually appeared on his cheeks. Suddenly I was unbelievably angry. I stormed from the room and went directly to mine where I locked the door and flipped the radio on. This was so unfair! If I were "normal" my feelings would be just fine, but since I have to hide my feelings, it’s ok to make fun of the fact I’m alone?

Tears rolled slowly down my face. The whole day had just reached an exhaustive crescendo, and I suddenly felt tired. My mind turned this latest exchange over, and I slowly began to realize that Chris was teasing me as if I were chasing some skirt. As a matter of fact, he was being completely…Chris about it. I actually debated staying angry at him, after all he knew what it was to be held by someone he had feelings for. Again, I realized that that’s what friends do to each other, or more so siblings.

The button popped out on my door handle and Chris entered warily, as if some breakable object might be propelled at him at a moments notice. He was grinning, the bastard!

"Just, I just wanted to tell you…he’s a great kisser!" And once again he laughed.

And he never saw the water bottle I keep on the bedside table until it was too late. And, wonder of wonders, the top was loose! He stood for a moment staring at me, and then we both howled with laughter.

Chris sat on the corner of my bed and we slowly regained our composure, with a few chortles here and there as we settled in.

"So why did you ride with him?" I asked finally.

"Cause he offered. Plus he wanted to ask a few questions about you," he said coyly.

"He did?" I sat up, attempting to sound casual, "Like what?"

"General stuff, like what you enjoy and stuff. I don’t know what you think, but I am sure he has the hots for you."

I was enjoying this conversation. What?

"Why do you say that?" I asked, desperately trying to keep my curiosity at bay since he could have a great deal of fun with this if he scented how much I was into this little talk.

He eyed me and I could feel bullets of sweat standing out on my forehead, but he for once had pity on me and simply shared his thoughts.

"All of his questions were about you, your likes, how long we’ve known each other…it was like he was fishing for information, same thing other people do when they want to know more about someone, I guess." He paused, " But there was an edge to his questions, a nervousness like you have when you want information about someone for yourself. Not like when you go ask for someone else, you know? He just seemed like the information was for more than casual conversation, that’s all."

I could barely contain my enthusiasm. Maybe there really was a chance that something could come from this weekend, huh? One can only hope!

~Uncle Jake~

Jake Palmer left the judge’s chambers with his nephew, Mayor Pritchard. As they walked they discussed the growing family of friends that Kyle was acquiring, and specifically the ones that were, well, gay.

"You know I really thought that when I stood by Julius all those years ago that he would be the only gay man I would ever help, if nothing else because of the likelihood of running into one that I would care about so much as to be able to read him. And now? Well, the times have changed, have they not?" Jake mused.

"I agree, after I picked up on that first boy I thought he would probably be the only one in Kyle’s little group, but now there are at least three. He’s a tough kid too, I saw him stand up for Kyle down at the rec hall one time last summer. Someone was giving him a hard time about his seizures and that boy let loose!" Trey Pritchard enthused.

"Well you can imagine my surprise when he suggested the adoption. Initially I rejected it out of hand, what business have I with a teenage boy in the house? And with Julius as well, bonkers as the man is, but I guess the boys must feel comfortable around each other in order for him to make the request. Wouldn’t you think?" Jake questioned.

"You know, from what you’ve told me I get the feeling he hasn’t told anyone. He never mentioned if the guys knew, or if Kyle knew. If you want to know what I think…I think he got some courage from the whole deal with Justin and Kyle. And now he can’t stand to see his love in trouble like that. That’s my theory."

Jake mused over this in silence as they parted company in front of the mayor’s office. He turned suddenly and called to Trey, "Would you call Kyle and ask him to phone the boys so we can make an announcement at dinner tonight? Tell them to be at my place about seven-thirty."

"Sure thing, I’ll grab the wife and drag her along too."

Jake walked to his car and sat down heavily in the seat. Well the die was cast, soon a teenager would be living in his house. The furniture had been bought, clothes would have to come before the boys departed in the morning for the camp, and then there was the issue of his new charge's champion.

The conversation was one he would not soon forget, and the most heartfelt in eons, it seemed. That boy was willing to risk anything to have his love away from the life he now lived, and Jake was the key. The more he thought about the conversation, about the boy himself, he felt as though Trey were correct in his analysis. That too would have to be dealt with at some point he was sure, until then they would get to know their new family member. Well, at least Jake would, Julius was already quite familiar with him. And the more he thought on it, the more the decision felt right and true to him.

It had been just a few days before that this fellow had come to his door. From his vantage point he had realized that this lad was nervous. Call it finely tuned instinct, but when you walk up to someone’s front door and visibly fight to see whether or not you’ll ring the bell when the occupant is sitting on an easy chair on his front porch? Well, Jake had taken pity on him.

"May I help you, young fellow?" Jake intoned.

The boy jumped and faced Jake red faced and somehow ashen all at once.

"Mr., ah, Mr. Palmer. I need to, um, I need to talk to you. Please. In private."

Admittedly Jake was puzzled, after all he barely knew this boy and here he was obviously wanting, no, needing to share something with him. He stood and opened the door and walked to the entrance of the sitting room and motioned for his guest to sit. He then went to the kitchen, placed two cups on the counter and poured hot water from the coffee pot. This was a habit that drove Julius up the wall, since Julius was a coffee fanatic and Jake preferred tea. Thus two coffee pots, one for Julius and his black mud, and one for Jake and his teas.

He placed two cups on a tray and inserted the tea bags, and lastly placed a spoon and sugar cup on the tray before returning to the sitting room. His guest was fidgeting and no doubt had thoughts of leaving, but if it was worth telling, then it was worth a cup of tea. Maybe two.

He placed the tray between them and beckoned the lad to have a cup, which he did. He seemed to calm a bit with something in his hands to still them. As his guest met his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, Julius's strident voice could be heard as he descended the stairs singing something from an opera. ‘Carmen’ Jake thought.

"Oh! A visitor, and you gave him tea?" Julius snorted, "Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Um, no. I’m good, thanks."

"Ugh, another one. Where is Kyle? He’ll have a cup of coffee with me."

"He’s not, um, with me."

"Oh," Julius hesitated suddenly feeling the tension in the room, he looked at Jake who was quietly and endlessly stirring his tea. "Am I intruding?" he asked quietly.

"Um, no. Actually I kind of need to talk to you both."

Julius raised a brow and took a seat next to Jake.

The boy set his cup down and then brushed the hair from his face before meeting their gazes.

"I’m in love. I guess I have been for a long time." He hesitated, " I did all I could do, I thought. But I never dared to do too much because you never know what people will say or do."

The two men sat motionless each wondering what this had to do with them, indeed, why this boy was telling them.

"I am here today because…I need your help. I’m gay. And my…my love is in a really bad spot. I know that Mr. Farrell can vouch for that, cause he knows him. And I really hope you’ll help me to help him."

Jake sat in minor shock. What could possibly be asked of him?

"I would like for you to consider adopting Grant Killian. He’s losing himself in that place, and I am sure Mr. Farrell can make some sense of that to you, Mr. Palmer." The boy hesitated, then barreled on, "I know this is a lot to ask, but, Mr. Farrell, surely you know what a good person he is, and they are killing that there. And…and I love him, and it kills me to see him hurting." He had finished quietly.

Of course this young man was someone from the Boys Home, and Julius did the cooking there as something to get him out of Jake’s hair for a few hours a day. The issue was debated for several hours, and many tears were shed, but in the end both Julius and Jake had agreed to discuss the matter with Trey Pritchard and attempt the adoption.

And now those dreams had born fruit, but would it be edible?

~Casey~

Casey pulled away from Justin’s house only because the car behind him had a horn loud enough to break through his shock. Did Chris just say Justin said I sang well? That means he heard me, and he saw me! Casey’s pulse was running at a fever pitch as he sped home and pondered this latest bit of information. If Justin both heard and saw him, and he was coming up this weekend, well, that was good right? But wait a sec, if Chris brought it up, then he also knew. And he seemed fine with that as well! Casey pulled onto the family estate he shared with his parents and older brother, chewing this development over in his mind. He was mildly surprised to see Harry’s BMW in the driveway, he rarely came home so early, usually electing to spend time in Reno after school.

He glided in next to the black on black Teutonic auto and killed the engine. He grabbed his backpack from the back seat and headed for the house. Harry met him at the door with a grin on his face, which was also unusual. They had been quite close up until the last two years or so, and now they rarely spoke. It seemed as though they had grown apart, and that had hurt most because he didn’t understand why.

"Case, glad to see ya! Hungry? What say we go grab a burger or something?" Harry asked excitedly.

"Um, sure," Casey replied, wondering just what the hell was going on here anyway. He hadn’t had to read his brother in a long time, but he definitely seemed to be nervous about something.

Casey threw his backpack on the couch and proceeded out the door with Harry and climbed in his car. The M3 started with a low growl and proceeded to propel them from the family compound and down the private drive. The car howled as it flew down the on ramp and down the highway, wind whipping and snapping about the passenger compartment, the radio hummed with the rhythmic sounds of a bass drum issuing forth from the concealed speakers. The car leapt forward with a surge of power and then off the highway and to a picture perfect stop in front of the stop sign. The car surged through the intersection and into the drive through lane. After placing their orders at the clowns head and getting their food, they parked in the lot and sat back to eat.

"Case, I need to talk to you about something important," Harry said slowly, placing his half finished burger on the wrapper in his lap.

"Ok, Harry. Shoot," Casey replied amiably.

"Um, Case we haven’t been spending a lot of time together for a while, and I’m sorry about that, I know it’s my fault."

"Well, I was kind of wondering why we weren’t like, buds anymore."

"It was cause I didn’t give you enough credit, Case. I never gave you a chance. I was too afraid, but now I want to open up to you and be there for you again. But first there are a few things we should get straight."

Casey turned and squared his shoulders to face Harry and whatever he might say. Anything he said or did was fine by Case so long as they were buds again.

"Case, I overheard your call the other night with Jules," Casey inhaled sharply, "And it’s cool with me. I‘m really looking forward to seeing who stole my brother’s heart away." Harry smiled beatifically at his younger brother.

Casey gaped at his brother until the words sank in. It was ok! Harry wasn’t going to kill him! Casey began to relax until Harry spoke again.

"Besides." He turned his head to look out the windshield. "I am too." He looked at Casey, "Gay, I mean. I am too." He finished quietly as he gazed pensively into his younger brother’s eyes. "I was really happy and sad at the same time when I heard your conversation with Jules, cause I could finally tell someone. But I was a little down too, 'cause of all that people say and do to guys like us. They don’t understand that we need love just as much as they do. Besides, my boyfriend is going to be at the camp, and I wanted you to know about us so we can be comfortable around you, you know?"

Casey sat stunned in the Bavarian leather seat. Harry had a boyfriend? And he wanted me to meet him? And then he felt his mouth curving into a grin. He looked at Harry who was waiting nervously, kneading his napkin mercilessly.

"Harry. I-" Casey gathered his strength and steadied his voice, "I love you. And I would be," he inhaled and smiled, "so honored to meet the one that set you free."

Harry’s jaw dropped at the emotion in Casey’s voice and he leaned in and held his brother as silent tears of relief and heartfelt love rolled down his cheeks.

And there they sat, entwined in love as only brothers can know.

At last they separated, both somewhat unsure of this new closeness they had reclaimed in each other. Harry sat back and sighed deeply. Casey began to giggle. Harry looked at him questioningly, and then followed Casey’s gaze to his lap where the vital fluids from the burger had run amok on his pants. Suddenly this was way too funny and they both were off on a gale of laughter like they used to share once upon a time.

As Harry cleaned his pants as best he could, he asked Casey who the lucky fellow was.

"Well," Casey began, flushing furiously, "his name is Justin. He started at school this year, and he’s a friend of Kyle’s. He, ah, well he played for Kyle in a basketball game when Kyle had his latest seizure and. Oh, boy. Justin in shorts is, well, what a way to go, y’know?"

Harry nodded in amusement as his brother began to slip into his own world while describing his true love.

"He is really good looking, but he is also shy and doesn’t realize he’s so attractive. At least he is to me. And I was feeling really weird one night, and I drove down to his house, but I parked down the street. Then I went over in the shadows across the street and watched his room. I was so full of…emotion, I just wanted to see him again." Casey sighed deeply, " I started to sing, mostly to myself, but the nights here are so calm that the voice carries sometimes farther than we think. I was singing to myself and, well, I guess he heard me. Chris made a comment after I dropped him off today that really makes me wonder just how much Justin knows."

"But he’s coming this weekend?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, that’s what has me in a tailspin. I’m really wondering if this could happen!" Casey said softly and leaned back into the leather.

"Sounds like the odds are good to me!" Harry said with a smile.

"Hey," Casey groused, "So who is this guy you have, huh? You heard my secret, what’s yours?"

"Oh, well," Harry shifted uncomfortably, "You know him already."

~Grant~

Grant climbed off the institutional van that transported him to and from school each day. He walked up the steps to St. Vincent’s home for Boys and headed into the room he shared with two other misfits. Really there wasn’t any other name for them, they didn’t fit anywhere and nobody wanted any of them.

He no longer cried for his parents, he had realized they would not come back and that he wasn’t loved by them. He had stopped lamenting their not being here long ago, it did no good and they had never wanted him anyway, no one had. At least he and Casey Fremont had become friends and that allowed him the privilege of going up to their place sometimes. It definitely helped when your father could pull political strings, since normally he had to be escorted everywhere as a ward of the state. When he was six they had stopped on a road trip at a gas station in the town of Carlin and told him to use the bathroom. He had said he didn’t have to go, but they had insisted he try as they had no intentions of stopping again before reaching their destination. So he had gone, and so had they. When he returned there was only an oily puddle where the car had sat, due to its inability to keep its fluids within the crankcase.

He had cried with loneliness, and then in frustration. Why had he taken so long? Obviously they had left him because he hadn’t come right back. Oh, if only he’d had to go! Then he wouldn’t have had to stand and force himself, if only that small thing had occurred he would still be with them!

But of course that wasn’t true at all, and the fact was that he had no family now, except for his friends. He sat heavily on his bed and a small tear escaped his eyes, and was summarily squashed vigorously. Tears were a luxury he couldn’t afford. Especially here where weakness was exploited. Just last week the staff made the mistake of putting a small kid in with a violent one. One held a pencil to the temple of the other and threatened to drive it into his skull if he didn’t suck him off.

Life here was like that, only the ones who could defend themselves kept their virginity long enough to give it to someone they loved, or at least someone of their own choosing. Grant was one of the latter, and a staff favorite too since he required little supervision and had those political ties, that also made him less of a target. He sighed and gathered himself for afternoon chores, as was the custom here. This week he was in the kitchen, so he would have to start with dinner preparation and then dishes later on. That was ok, the cook was an older fellow named Julius, a volunteer. He was nice enough and didn’t give him a hard time. He also knew Kyle Pritchard through his housemate or something like that, so they always had something to talk about at least.

At the thought of his friend his mind started to turn again. Kyle was a bit different now, more assertive since he had met Justin. And there was something to that guy as well, Casey was absolutely weird about him. Just that day Casey had looked like he was in la-la-land when they had gym together last period, and he seemed to walk with a lighter step whenever he’d spot the guy, and he never failed to say "Look, Grant, there’s Justin." If Grant didn’t know better, he’d say Case was in love!

And speaking of strange behavior, what was up with Cris lately? He seemed to shy away whenever he was around. Grant knew he could be difficult to be around, but did Cris just not like him anymore? He sincerely hoped not. Of all people, Cris had fought for Grant more than anyone else, in fact he was the one that had gone to Casey to get his father to be involved in his case and get him up there for weekends. And they never mentioned where he lived, in fact it was never an issue when he was with them. Maybe he should tell Cris how much he meant to him, you know, try to figure out if there was a problem?

Grant sighed and steeled himself to go down into the havoc of the institution he lived in. As he descended the stairs he contemplated the upcoming weekend and the relief from the pressure he felt here, always on guard against God only knew what. He saw Julius entering through the front hall with another fellow who looked to be the same age. They seemed to be just finishing a conversation with Mr. Donovan, the director of this hell hole. He turned towards the kitchen to get his apron and run a sink of soapy water for the cooking dishes. If you cleaned as you went it made the final cleanup faster.

"Mr. Killian?"

Grant smiled to himself. Julius had called him that from day one and no matter how often Grant asked him to just call him by his first name, Julius would not. Grant turned and said with a half smile, "Mr. Farrell? Dinner is waiting!" he said with a small British lilt.

"Oh, yes, indeed it is! We really should be going along, are you ready?"

"Quite," Grant responded, still grinning that half smile, and turned towards the kitchen once more.

"Ah, Mr. Killian."

Grant turned again and looked at Julius.

"Mr. Killian, dinner will be served elsewhere this evening. If you please?" Julius waved a hand towards the front door.

What the hell was going on here? Grant wondered if this little game was that at all. What was he talking about? He wouldn’t try anything, of that he was sure, but still. This was getting way too weird.

"Um, are we cooking out or something?" Grant asked walking slowly towards Julius.

"If you like. Grant Killian, I’d like for you to meet Jacob Palmer. The housemate I mentioned to you?"

"Oh, hello Mr. Palmer. Pleased to meet you. Ah, are you Kyle’s Uncle or something?"

"Pleased to meet you as well, Grant. Indeed I am his Uncle, and we really have to hurry as we are expected at the house. All the boys will be there tonight for dinner. Are you ready?"

"Um, Me? You mean I get to go?" Grant asked unbelieving, "Julius, am I going with you or is staff coming?"

"No staff tonight. Not in my house!" Julius puffed his chest dramatically.

"Cool. Oh, man this is so cool!" Grant enthused.

"Look sharp, lets step smartly. You’ve been signed out and we have the car running," Jake contributed.

The three descended the steps of St. Vincent’s together and walked towards the car, Grant basking in his surprise freedom, and Jake and Julius beaming at their newest family member.

~Kyle~

Kyle hung up the phone and then began to dial numbers from memory, Justin first. The phone was answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Chris, it’s Kyle."

"Dude, what’s up? Hey, I have news!"

Chris proceeded to fill in Kyle on the afternoon’s events, from getting into the car on of course.

"So Casey really does have it bad for him! Yes! This is so cool. Hey, have Just call Case and tell him to meet everyone at my Uncle Jake’s for dinner, seven-thirty."

"Um, okay. But why? I mean, what does he want with us."

"My dad wouldn’t say, but I think it’s gonna be big!"

"Cool, ok. See you then."

Kyle then picked up the phone but replaced it at the sound of the front bell. That was a really distinctive bell, it was a Westminster chime. His dad had gotten it and, true to form, his mother hated it. Said it made her think of scary movies when it went off. Trey kept promising to change it, but, well he wasn’t exactly wanting to be rid of it.

He answered the door and found Cris waiting on the doorstep.

"Great timing, man. I was just going to call you."

"Oh? What’s up?"

"We were invited to dinner at my Uncle’s house for seven-thirty."

Cris seemed to shift from foot to foot and then responded, "Cool, let me call my folks."

After a brief phone call the two went up to Kyle’s room and turned on the stereo and proceeded to beat each other silly on the Playstation.

~Justin~

So here I was reaching for the phone cause Chris said Kyle wants me to call Casey about some dinner at his Uncle Jake’s. Getting the feeling time together was being promoted here? As I placed my hand on the receiver it rang and I jumped.

"Hello?"

"Justin?" Oh wow. His voice was so…

"Hi! Case! Um, I was just about to call you!" I sputtered.

"Oh? Cool. Want me to hang up so you can?"

"Wha?"

"I was kidding!" He laughed. His laugh was as musical as his singing was melodic.

"Oh, I see, think we can just give me a hard time now, huh?"

"I certainly hope so!" He laughed again. That could be addictive!

"Yeah, well. Kyle wanted me to call you cause we’re all supposed to go to his Uncle Jake’s house for dinner about seven-thirty."

"His Uncle’s huh? Ok. Want me to pick you up?"

Do I ever!

"Sure, that would be cool. Thanks!"

~BA~

The gathering was impressive in that staid neighborhood, and the timing was surreal. Just as Kyle and Cris started up the drive Casey’s SAAB pulled up to the curb. Casey, Chris and Justin piled out and greetings were made. Before the group moved towards the door again the distinctive growl of an M3 was heard and Harry glided to a stop in front of his brother’s car. He alighted with Blair in tow.

"Dude, the only one missing is Grant, then this’d be perfect," Cris said to no one, and yet to everyone. Murmurs of assent were heard and then the group made its way to the front door.

As they entered Julius could be heard in the kitchen bellowing Bizet’s ‘Toreador’ from ‘Carmen’. Jake greeted them and herded them all into the dining room. The room was lavish and resplendent in wine red and brilliant white trim. Silver table service was in evidence as well as fluted wine glasses at each place setting with a half glass being poured by Jake himself. They took a seat and Julius made his grand entrance with the last pan of food, pretending for all the world as if he had cooked this obviously ordered fair! He had a white smock that was food stained and a large chef’s hat, tilted to one side.

"Now, what’s missing?" Julius said dramatically with a finger pressed to his chin.

"Grant," Kyle said.

"Pardon me?" Jake said.

"We’re all here, except Grant. It seems like that’s always the way it goes though. He’d love this," Kyle said simply.

The empty seat between Kyle and Cris was suddenly filled.

"You’re right, buddy. I am going to love this!" Grant said quietly.

The room erupted in greetings and people getting up to go greet their friend a little closer. When the dust settled Jake tapped his wine glass with a small spoon.

"All right, I have an announcement."

The room fell silent.

"The reason for this occasion, for this celebration, is due to several of you. You may not all understand yet, but in time you will eventually figure out the role you had in this very evening. This afternoon Judge Chiarolanzio handed down the word that Grant Michael Killian would be legally entrusted to and adopted by myself, Jacob Palmer, until his eighteenth birthday. For now I would like you all to join me in a toast to the newest member of this house, this family, and a member of your group who has missed too much already of your company. Grant, welcome home!"

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