Things were chilly between my parents and me for the next two weeks. Walker wasn't coming over; instead I was hanging out with him at his house, as long as neither of us had work. While cross country had ended, the winter clubs and sports were still in sign-up mode. I had a little bit of a shock from Walker.
“Please?” he asked me, cuddled to my side with his legs wrapped around me like a sloth on a tree.
“You know I hate joining things,” I grumbled.
“But I'll be there,” he said. “You can be with me. Plus we get to ride together after practice, so more boyfriend time.”
I'll ride you all right, I thought to myself. “I don't know. I can swim, but I've never done it as part of a team or anything.”
“I love to swim,” he said quietly. “Sucks we have to go to the YMCA for practice and meets, but I don't have a pool, so the only time I get to swim is for swim team or if we go somewhere to a family member with a pool or something.”
“Can I just watch? I promise I won't take my eyes off you,” I said, teasing.
“Lot of insecure boys barely dressed – better be careful,” he chuckled. “I kind of mean it. They can be really touchy about the idea sometimes.”
“That's not helping your cause.”
“I just...want you with me.”
Fuck. I sighed. “Okay.”
He giggled a little and worked his way up, and we started a make out. It was so hot. It was just everything – his touch, the small sounds he was making, the way my heart was hammering, how his mouth tasted. He backed off just a hair and whispered breathily, “You're such a good boyfriend. You know what good boyfriends get?”
I was about to say 'More of that?' but he surprised me – I mean totally surprised me – when he yanked my waistband from my hips.
“What are you doing?” I whispered fiercely, but smiling. It was such a rushed mixture of emotions – lust, excitement, fear – and he grinned and pulled again.
“Giving you what good boyfriends get,” he said.
“Walker?” his mom called out, and I grabbed my pants in a hurry, yanking them back into place and bringing my knees up to hide my boner.
“Yeah, mom?” he called out. He sounded out of breath to me. Would she pick up on that?
“Would you please come take this trash out? I asked you before, and it's overflowing.”
He threw back his head and groaned. “Cock-blocked by a trash can.” He rolled off the bed and called out, “Coming.”
I, meanwhile, was sitting there in sexually frustrated amazement. I think my boyfriend was about to give me a blowjob. All my ideas about trying to make the first time something special were coming up against the real world: we needed a place and time, otherwise I was going to pull his pants down with his mother in the next room, and that might not end well. I mean...it might and it might not. Summer was easier – parents were still working, houses were empty. Right now there was school and practices, and parents had work, and we had work. I was getting desperate and considering the back seat of my car, if I could find a spot to park it where we might not be caught.
“I'm cold now,” Walker announced, returning to the room. He flopped next to me and yanked me close, making me make an awkward noise. “Any news from Marc?”
“News? No – wait, not just moving on, here,” I said, struggling to sit up. He lay on his side, propping his head up with his hand and looking up at me. I glanced at the door and then looked down at him. “I want to have sex with you.”
His mouth curled a bit, the start of a smile. “I didn't know talking about Marc made you all horny, but if that's the key....”
“Shut up,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “No joke. I want to have sex with you, and I want it to be better than a desperate blow job where one of our parents might walk in.”
“Maybe...we should talk about...I mean, I'm a virgin and,” he licked his lips. “I love you. I love the idea of you being my first. Taking our time. But...does oral really count? Isn't there some compromise?”
I was a little surprised. “Uh. Well I guess I thought oral was more like, you know, foreplay.”
He smiled, looking innocent, but his words were anything but. “Well, sucking dick can be foreplay, but sometimes the object of sucking that dick is...sucking that dick.”
I licked my lips. “Yeah, okay. But when we are actually....”
He nodded. “Have to be clean and stuff.”
I licked my lips again. “Yeah. I just don't want there to be anything going on that makes us have to hurry.”
His expression was intent. “Yeah. Be a shame to be interrupted.”
“Later, after our first time, we can do the 'they're in the next room' sex, but I want the first time to be...not special, that sounds trite, but I want it to be more than a quickie where we have to hide.”
He licked his lips. “I'm in.” He shifted so that he was sitting cross-legged. “You have more experience...what did you do for your first time?”
I took a breath, keeping one ear out for anyone in the hallway. “Most of the time I've topped. I'm not totally sure why – it kind of worked out that way.”
“Is that,” he swallowed, “what you want to do with me?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. “But I'd bottom for you, too.”
“Does it...I've heard it can hurt. Does it?”
I shifted. “It can. Seems to get easier once you know what you're doing. I mean as a bottom. Victor said you have to train the muscle just like any other.” I cleared my throat. “Do you?”
He tilted his head. “Do I what?”
I rolled my hand in front of him. “Do you want to have sex? With me?”
“Fuck yes,” he said softly. He glanced behind him and then back to me. “Can I see it? Your dick?”
I felt a rush. I glanced at the door and back to him. “I'll show you mine if you show me yours?”
He nodded, and I shifted to my knees as he did the same, reaching for our own waistbands. I looked down at his hand as he pushed the edge of the elastic and - “Walker! Mom says it's – are you guys kissing! Kissers! Kissers!” Matty yelled out and ran from the room.
Walker yelled at him to get out over his shoulder and then turned back to me. “I have to get with you. I want you so bad I can't think sometimes,” he whispered.
“Walker! Noah! Dinner!” his mom called.
Food was the last thing in the world I wanted to eat right then, but I didn't see a way out of it. “We need to plan something. Soon.”
He nodded, and we adjusted ourselves, going to the bathroom to wash and generally give our erections a chance to go down. I sat beside Walker at the table, and we were rubbing our legs against each other and stuff, which was making me horny all over again. I was picturing him sitting on the table, naked and hard and how I would-
“Noah? Is that your phone, Noah?”
I blinked and looked at Walker's mom. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
She smiled. “Your phone.”
I looked down at my pocket and finally noticed the ringtone. Shit! I slid down and worked the phone from my pocket, my dick being uncooperative, as it was leaning that way. I just missed the call, but I saw it was my dad – and he was calling back again right away.
“Sorry, we're eating dinner,” I said as I answered the phone.
“That's okay. Look, Marc is here, and I think we need you home. So please finish up and come home right away. Okay?”
“Uh. Yeah, okay.” I disconnected and looked at Noah. “Marc's at my house. Sounds serious. I wonder if his dad flipped?”
“Who?” Walker's mom asked.
Walker jumped in to explain that Marc was a friend with a homophobic father. I was surprised that he'd named Marc his friend, but that was better than the alternatives. She asked about my comment about his father, and I kicked myself for blabbing. Walker gave her the story, editing out that he was my ex. Sort of.
“Well, let's finish up here,” she said. “Has he been over at your house a lot? Is that why you guys have been here so much lately?”
“No,” Walker said without hesitation, glancing at Matty. “Noah's parents figured out our problem.”
“What's our problem?” Matty asked.
“That you don't shower,” Walker promptly replied. “The school called. Everyone knows.”
“Did not, jerk!” Matty snapped back.
“Okay, no need to yell,” his mom said patiently. “Matty, are you done? Then why don't you do any of your homework-”
“Don't have any.”
“- and get your shower out of the way.”
“I don't want to shower!” he whined.
“You can either do it on your own, or I can go with you to make sure you wash,” his mom said, giving him a stern look despite her voice sounding playful.
“Mom!” Matty huffed and stomped from the room. I doubted he was going to shower, but whatever.
His mom delicately scratched her forehead with her fingernail while letting out a small sigh. “Honey, whatever choices your parents make isn't a reflection on you.”
Walker lowered his voice. “It's embarrassing.”
“And yet, Noah doesn't seem to care. Because your dad's actions have nothing to do with how he thinks of you.” She glanced at me and smiled. “And no, I don't want to know the many ways you think of my son.”
“Makes two of us,” I said under my breath.
Walker shook his head. “I know that. Noah's got the problem.”
I turned to him. “I do? How?”
“How you're pissed at your parents?”
Slowly I said, “Because they made you sad. You didn't want to come over because they were buying you things, and I guess my mom must have said something about the – your dad. When we were out costume shopping.”
He nodded. “She did. And I did feel bad. I mean...yeah, she wasn't trying to do that, but it was awkward. But...hello? Dating you? Am I going to avoid your house forever? Right now if we go over together there's going to be a thing, because they'll try to say something to fix things, and you, stubborn, aren't going to let it happen.”
I spread my arms out. “How did I get to be the bad guy in this?”
He laughed. “You're not. You're stubborn and you love me, so you're going to defend me – even if I'm over it, you're going to hold a grudge.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Who says I hold grudges?”
He smiled at me. “If we go see what's up with Marc, can you not fight with your parents?”
“Again, why am I the bad guy here?”
His mom jumped in. “Let me explain it from where I'm sitting,” she said. “Walker got taken by surprise – his dad's issue is a sensitive thing – but now he's had time to deal with it, and he wants you to not be angry about it anymore. Or at least not get into a fight over something that he's over.”
I tilted my head. “But what about me? They think it's okay to keep things about my boyfriend from me. That's not okay with me.” I looked to Walker. “I'm not okay with them doing that.”
He nodded slowly. “I get that. Can you try not to fight though? It's uncomfortable, and I don't like the idea of something to do with me getting you all bent out of shape.”
I twisted my lips up for a moment before nodding. “I'll try.”
Bruno was bouncing around like a rubber ball when we arrived, mostly because my mom had closed the door to the living room and was in there with Marc. He was frustrated at not being able to get to the new person. My dad was at the kitchen island wrapping up leftovers to put away.
“Ah, good,” he said. “He was pretty upset when he got here. He's calming down with your mom.”
I glanced toward the closed door and moved closer to my dad. “What happened?”
My dad turned his gaze to Walker, who was just behind my left shoulder. “Walker, I'd like to apologize for my wife and I making you uncomfortable. While both of us are fond of you on your own, you have brought out joy in Noah, and we...well, we wanted to help. I'm sorry we were so clumsy about it.”
“It's okay,” he said, joining me at the edge of the island. “I understand. It's just what my dad did is still kind of raw. I wasn't expecting you guys to find out.”
“I can only imagine,” my dad said. “I don't know if you really fully understand the person you're dating. He is the most stubborn, compassionate...strong person you may ever meet.”
I brought my brows down. Where was he going with this?
“Well, he is stubborn,” Walker said, pushing against me.
“You don't know the half of it,” my dad said. “He's gotten frigid since this situation came up and how we handled it.” Bruno jumped against my dad's leg, and I could see my dad sway a bit under the force of the hit. He looked down, then picked a piece of cheese off whatever dinner had been and tossed it to Bruno. Looking back to Walker he said, “Bruno is here because of Noah's compassion and stubbornness. Noah fed him for months while the guy that lived next door neglected the poor thing.”
“Isn't that illegal?” Walker asked, looking back and forth between us.
“It is. We called several times,” my dad replied. “But one fine morning the owner was leaving, and he went out back to shoot Bruno rather than take him along.”
Walker's eyes went wide as he looked down at the furry beggar.
“What saved Bruno's life was my son, standing between that dog and a man with a gun.”
Walker's gaze whipped up to look at me.
“He loves the dog,” my dad said. “You don't get up early every day to feed someone without loving them a bit. So I can only imagine how long he'd punish us for embarrassing you,” my dad said with a wry grin.
Walker tilted his head to one side. “You're pretty brave.”
I shifted on my feet. “Was kind of in the moment.” I looked back to my dad, feeling uncomfortable. “What about Marc?”
My dad nodded twice. “His dad threw him out. I talked to his mom. She...sounded very sad. I think there is some real discord in the home, and for the short term Marc just needs a safe place. With him gone I get the impression his mom will be more free to take some action – maybe move out. Maybe I'm misreading it, and she's given up. Either way, he's here short term. We'll put him in Ian's room.”
The door to the living room opened, and my mother gave us a tired smile. “I think he could use a friendly face or two.”
I glanced at Walker and then led the way into the room. Marc was sitting on the couch right in the center, his face blotchy and a tissue balled up in his hands.
“Hey,” I said, sitting beside him. Walker squeezed between me and the arm of the couch.
“Hey,” he replied, his voice scratchy. He cleared his throat. “Were you guys on a date?”
“No, just hanging out at my house,” Walker said. “He doesn't really take me on dates.”
“I did too!” I protested.
“Once. I mean...once. You want to brag about just once, Noah?” Walker said with a teasing smile. He shifted his gaze to Marc. “We need to have 'our restaurant' and 'our coffee place', you know what I mean? I need places to avoid because they bring up too many memories after we break up.”
“You're breaking up?” Marc asked, jaw dropping.
“No,” I said firmly. “Walker is making a point.” I looked at Walker. “Fine. We'll have to find our places.”
“Might have to go to a few places to find one that's ours. A lot of places,” he said, again teasingly. As I wondered why he was saying these things, it suddenly occurred to me he was distracting Marc.
“Especially with your taste.” I looked at Marc. “I had the worst gelato in my life, and he picked it out.”
Marc smiled, and Walker and I continued, slowly settling into something like a normal conversation. We didn't bring up Marc's situation, or Kendra, but then I remembered Corey from lunch a few days before, and I told Walker.
“Jesus, what is this? Everyone falls for you?” Walker asked, his mouth curling in a smile.
“He doesn't even know me,” I protested. “Plus the potato didn't learn the first time – oh! And he's all 'Who are you dating? What's his name?' and I'm thinking that not only doesn't he respect me, but he thinks he owns me and that I'm lying if I say something he doesn't like. I'm just...what the fuck, dude?”
Eventually I had to bring Walker back home. We tried to get his mom to let him stay, but she had to work in the morning and needed him home to watch Matty. I wanted to ask where their dad was, but he hadn't been at dinner, and I guess it would be rude to ask her to get her husband to watch their kid so I can have sex with their son. So I dropped him off, and not long after I got back I turned in. Marc was wiped out, and once he got settled I flopped down in my room. My phone alerted me to an incoming message from Walker.
HIM: I'm not sleepy
ME: Yeah. I'm tired, but not ready to drop off yet.
HIM: I'm looking at your picture.
ME: Which one?
HIM: You know.
I blushed. ME: Seems like you owe me one.
HIM: Close your door.
I glanced at the door and back at the phone. ME: It is.
The phone vibrated with an incoming video call. My heart started beating faster, and I was already chubbing up before I accepted the call.
Walker's face was a little grainy, but he held a finger up to his lips and I nodded. He moved the phone, and it fell a couple times as he tried to get it to lean on something. Then he moved in front of it and looked back at me, waiting.
“What?” I whispered.
“Set your camera up so I don't miss anything,” he whispered.
Miss what? I wondered; but my hard dick knew. Walker pulled off his shirt and tossed it aside, running a hand up his chest and across his nipples. Nipples that were standing up. Oh, hell yeah. I moved quickly, dropping my phone and pushing it around, trying to get it set up to look down at me on my bed. Then it was just the sexiest fucking thing as he pulled clothes off and I matched him until we were both naked. Both looking at each other and unable to not tug on our dicks. It was too short, it was unbelievably sexy, and it made me want to touch him more than anything in the world ever could have.
The swim team was possibly the dumbest thing I'd ever done. I liked being with Walker, but I wasn't much of a fan of the rest of it. The water's always cold, the swimsuit was too form-fitting to actually be comfortable, and I got an ear infection that knocked me out of competing – which I was almost thankful for.
While that foolishness went on, Marc's mom left her husband and got an apartment for herself and Marc. We talked – probably more now than we had before, but he was still kind of messed up from the stuff his dad had been putting the family through. His mom was trying to get his dad to go to counseling, but he wanted their – his – pastor to do the counseling. I was amazed and sad about how blind he was being.
Walker's dad was going to meetings and trying to get help. I don't understand being addicted, except maybe toward my boyfriend. Time together – sexy time – continued to elude us, so we were getting by with those video calls.
I think the meaning of sex changes depending on the situation. If your SO is getting a blow job – or giving – while you're dating, then they're having sex with someone else. But Walker had made his point about there being a difference between us having plenty of time to go all the way and some needed moments that were perfect for blow jobs.
Our first time was in the woods behind my house. After that...well, I drove us home from practice. Why else do you have a backseat?
The Monday we started Thanksgiving break my sister went to her friend's house for the day – they were going someplace out in the country for apple cider and some kind of pie. My parents were at work – and it finally happened. I was right to wait – not that we'd had a whole lot of choice. With the house empty we took our time – as much as we could, I guess. Touching him, feeling him touch me back, hearing him – the scent of us that hung in the air was everything. We didn't clean up right away. We talked a little bit. It wasn't...special is a bad word. It's ordinary. No, it's common. We have special things happen in life, but being with Walker felt like it was more. It felt more...rare. Special can happen kind of a lot, I guess, but rare...it's special that doesn't happen that often.
We showered together, which turned into more fooling around, and then we were back in my room and we were lying on the covers, skin to skin. I looked up at Walker's face only to find him looking at me with a...what? He had a smile, but he looked...peaceful? Happy? I don't think he was horny right then, but it wouldn't take a lot to get us both back there. What did that expression mean?
Awkwardly, Darrion's voice jumped into my head. He had been talking about falling in love and had said that a person you were in love with was still interesting after the sex was over. The sex was over for right now, but I was fascinated with his expression and wondering what was going on in his head.
“Are you okay?” he asked me, bringing his fingertips up to my cheek.
“Totally,” I said. “You?”
He shook his head slowly, that unreadable expression on his face. “I thought I loved you.”
I blinked a few times. “What?”
He rolled toward me and kissed me lightly. Looking down at me he said, “I thought I loved you. I thought I knew what that felt like. You can fall in love more than once, and I'd been pretty sure I've been in love before.” He brought the tip of his nose down to mine and closed his eyes, nuzzling. “But I was wrong. I've never been so wrong.”
My body and mind were confused. The heat of his body and his scent, his skin on mine, was arousing me, but I was in a state of confusion as I tried to think about his words instead of the lust rising in me.
“You mean...what do you mean?”
He pulled his face back and looked down on me – what does that look mean? I love it, I fear it, I crave it. It's making me want to touch him.
“I've never actually been in love before,” he said softly. “You're it. You're the first person I've ever loved – the person no one will ever be able to compete with.”
That's what that look meant. It was love.
I shook my head, and a smile came to my lips. “I finally beat you to something.”
He chuckled, his chest shifting against mine. “What? I tell you that you're the great love of my life and you say – what?”
I grinned at him. “You beat me everywhere with those freakishly long legs,” I said. “But I knew I was in love with you. Not because how I felt for you is special, no,” I said with a shake of my head. “Special can be pretty common. The way I feel about you is rare. So I knew this was love before you.”
He propped his head up with his hand. “Well, what now? More sex?”
I put my hand on his shoulder and ran my fingers down his skin. “Yes. Not now. But yeah – more sex. Blow jobs when our parents are in the next room or maybe when we're out in the car or maybe in a hot tub. On a mountain or maybe a grassy field. I'm going to have sex with you anytime and anywhere you want.” I rolled, pushing him to his back and leaning over him. “You're so goddamn sexy – sexier every day. I wouldn't change anything about today – being with you. But do you know what means something to my boyfriend?”
He smiled, shifting under me and putting his hand on the back of my neck. “What?”
Looking down I tried to copy the look he'd given me. I tried to let all my feelings out on my face, and it felt like I could cry but also like I could sing and maybe be silent all in one. “Because I could love you again right now. But my boyfriend – our relationship – isn't just about sex. It's almost two o'clock, so I'm going to take my boyfriend out for coffee so we can find our coffee place. I'm going to bring you home and help you with one of my dad's clocks, and it'll be our clock. Tonight I'm going to take you to dinner so we have another place to consider for our restaurant.”
I cradled one side of his face, stroking the skin with my thumb. “I'm going to do that until we have a place where we both are that we call ours. I'm going to love you wherever we are.”
His gaze flickered across my face. “Looks like my desperado decided to let someone love him. I do want to go get coffee, but...when do your parents get home?”
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