Bright Things Come to Confusion
A Killian Kendall Expanded Universe Short Story
By Josh Aterovis
Copyright 2026
Chapter 2
The rest of the week dragged by so slowly I thought I’d go crazy. I spent most of my days avoiding Amira and my nights avoiding Mom and Kane. Mom hadn’t even noticed. Kane, on the other hand, gave me a look like a kicked puppy every time he caught my eye. Amira was less obvious, but I could tell my reaction had hurt her feelings. I felt terrible, but I just wasn’t prepared to deal with being gay. Why couldn’t she understand that?
I was also dodging Cole. Trying to avoid both him and Amira made for interesting rehearsals. I’d interact enough to say my lines and block our stage positions, but then I’d retreat to a corner by myself as soon as we were released. My antisocial behavior was unusual and wasn’t going unobserved, but I was too caught up in my thoughts to notice.
Thursday night, things came to a head with Kane. I was hiding out in my bedroom, working half-heartedly on some homework, when he barged into my room. He shut the door firmly behind him and leaned against it, arms crossed over his chest as if barring me from leaving. At twelve, Kane was still quite a bit shorter than I, but he was built sturdier, probably from all his skating.
“What are you doing?” I asked uneasily.
“What wrong with you?” he asked, his voice firm and stubborn. “You’ve been treating me like crap all week. Did I do something wrong?”
I sighed. “It’s not you.”
“Then why have you been hiding in here and yelling at me every time I try to talk to you?”
“I’ve just had some stuff going on.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Just...stuff.”
“So......talk to me about it.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t, Kane. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Why wouldn’t I understand? Just because you’re older? I’m not stupid you know. I’m your brother and we’ve always been there for each other. You’ve never kept secrets from me before.”
If you only knew, I thought darkly.
When I didn’t answer, Kane slowly moved away from the door and sat down on the bed. “What’s going on, Seth? Please talk to me. I’m worried.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I mumbled, refusing to look up at him. “I’ll be okay.”
“I can’t help it when you’re acting like this. Ever since Dad left, all we have is each other. You’re always there for me. Let me be there for you.”
I bit my lip to stem the flow of tears that was threatening to spill over at any second. “Maybe I’m just scared of losing you too,” I whispered.
Kane’s eyes grew wide. “Are you stupid or something? You could never lose me. Look, whatever is going on, you can tell me.”
I looked him directly in the eye. I could see he meant it, but I was still so scared. Maybe he did mean it, but once he knew what was really bothering me, would he feel the same? How could he, knowing his big brother was a fag? Would he forgive me if he knew I was the reason Dad left?
I slowly began to shake my head no, but Kane wasn’t having it.
“God damn it, Seth! Just fucking tell me!”
I stared at him wide-eyed. I’d never heard my brother curse before. I didn’t even know he knew those words.
Suddenly, he began to cry.
I sat in stunned silence as the first few tears slowly built into a full-fledged sobbing bawl. I quickly moved to his side on the bed and pulled him against me. Kane threw his arms around my neck and buried his face in my chest.
Right after Dad left, we'd both spent far too much time crying. it hadn’t been at all uncommon for me to hold my little brother like this, but it had been a long time since then, and it felt awkward now. After a while, we'd both sort of shut off that part of ourselves.
Eventually, he cried himself out, but he still refused to let go.
“What was that about?” I asked gently, half-afraid I would set him off once more.
“I’m losing you,” he sniffled pitifully.
“What? No you’re not!”
“Yes I am. You’re acting just like Mom did after Dad left. First him, then her, and now you.” With that, he started crying again.
“Kane, I don’t mean to pull away. You know I love you. It’s just that...I’ve been having a really hard time with some things lately...”
He sat up suddenly, pulling away and staring at me accusingly. His face was red and tear-streaked, his eyes shining with pain.
“Why can’t you tell me about it then? I could be here for you. Sometimes things aren’t as bad as you think they are when you have somebody to talk to about them.”
“It’s not that simple, Kane. I wish it was, but this isn’t something that’s just going to go away if I talk about it.”
“It’s not that simple, Kane,” he mimicked angrily, leaping up from the bed and whirling to face me. “You wouldn’t understand, Kane. Well, fine. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s your business, but I sure as hell can’t understand if you won’t even give me the chance.”
He spun around and stormed towards the door.
“I’m gay,” I whispered so softly I didn’t even think he would hear me.
He must have heard something though, because he stopped dead in his tracks, hand on the doorknob. He spun around to face me, his eyes wide. “What?”
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and repeated myself. “I’m gay.”
Here it comes, I thought. He’ll realize that I’m the whole reason Dad left us in the first place. He’ll realize that I’m the reason Mom retreated into her own little world. He’ll realize that I’m the reason our family fell apart.
And he’ll hate me.
My eyes were still squeezed shut when I felt a pair of arms sliding around my neck. I flinched away as my eyes flew open. Kane was staring back at me, a weird little smile making his mouth twitch.
“Didn’t you hear me?” I rasped. “I said I’m gay.”
“So?” He couldn’t have sounded less concerned. He smiled. “Thanks for telling me.”
“Wait. It doesn’t bother you?”
He shrugged. “Not really. It doesn’t change who you are. You’re still my big brother and I love you.”
I took a second to let that sink in.
He continued, “And I mean, I kind of wondered.”
“You what?”
“Well you never had a girlfriend and you’re into theater and stuff.”
“That’s a stereotype!”
He shrugged. “Sometimes, stereotypes can be a little true. Besides, there’s all that stuff with Dad though...”
“Stuff with Dad?” I repeated, unable to believe that’s all he had to say about it.
“Yeah, it’s a little weird, right?”
“I think it’s a little more than weird. I destroyed our whole family.”
Kane’s face scrunched up. “Huh?”
“That’s why he left. It’s my fault...” I was just getting worked up, but Kane cut me off.
“How is it your fault?”
“They found out, so Dad left, and Mom hates me.”
“What are you talking about? Dad didn’t leave. Mom kicked him out.”
“But...I saw the computer. And you said that they were talking about a faggot. You asked me what it meant.”
“I dunno about any computer, but you never let me finish telling you what I heard that night and it upset you so much I never brought it up again.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t understand a lot of what I heard back then, but I’ve thought about it a lot since. They were arguing, and Mom said that Dad disgusted her.”
“Maybe he wanted to kick me out or something...” I suggested weakly.
“Will you let me finish! Mom was yelling at Dad to get out, and Dad said they should think about us kids. Then Mom told him she didn’t want him to ever come near us again.”
“What? Why?”
“She said he made her sick and she never wanted to see him again.”
“But...I don’t understand.”
“Seth, she called him a faggot.” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “Don’t you see? Dad is gay, too.”
My mind reeled. I felt like the bed had dropped out from under me and I was falling. Then everything went black.
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes again was Kane’s face hovering above me wearing a concerned expression.
“Are you okay?” he asked. “I’ve never seen anyone faint before.”
“I didn’t faint,” I said indignantly as I struggled to sit up.
Then Kane’s big revelation flooded back into my mind and I almost fainted again.
“Seth!” Kane gasped as I swayed.
“I’m...I'm okay,” I said.
But I wasn't okay. Everything I’d believed for so long had just been turned upside-down. The last three years of my life had been cast in an entirely new light.
“You really thought that you’d caused all that?” Kane asked with disbelief in his voice.
“I saw Mom looking at the computer...” I was so confused. Suddenly, I didn’t know what to believe. “Are you sure you’re remembering it right?”
“Positive. And why do you keep talking about the computer?”
“I, uh, had pictures on a thumb drive,” I said sheepishly. At Kane’s blank stare, I explained, “Of naked guys.”
Understanding flooded his face. “And Mom found it?”
“I guess. I saw her looking at the pictures later that night when I left your room. I thought they knew and that’s what they were fighting about. I thought that was why Dad left and Mom blamed me.”
He sat quietly for a minute, obviously thinking about what I’d said.
“I don’t think they knew it was you,” he said after a minute.
“Where else would they have come from?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe Mom thought they were Dad’s. I think if she knew they were yours then she would have said something.”
I realized he was probably right. I’d been reading her silence on the subject as proof of her knowledge, but now I realized how absurd that was.
Kane frowned. “You’ve really been blaming yourself all these years?”
I nodded.
“I don’t know how you did it,” he said quietly. “I barely made it through knowing it didn’t have anything to do with me. I couldn’t have done it without you watching out for me.”
“Yes, you could have.”
“Maybe, but you sure made things a lot easier. I can’t believe you thought I’d hate you.”
“I was just so afraid,” I said softly.
His arms were around me again in a flash. “Well now you don’t have to be afraid,” he said fiercely. “I don’t care who you think is hot. I love you and I’m proud of you.”
I hugged him back tightly. “Thanks, little bro.”
“So,” he said with a grin as he sat back. “Who do you think is hot?”
“Kane!” I gasped.
“What?”
“I can’t believe you asked that!”
“Well, you always ask me who I like.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“I dunno. It just is.”
“It’s so not. Tell me! Who do you like?”
I sighed. “That’s part of the problem,” I said. “It’s this guy from drama.”
“Do I know him?”
“I don’t think so. His name is Cole McBride. He was in the play last fall, the modern-day fairy tales? He was Jack in Jack and the Beanstalk.”
“Black hair?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
“So...what’s the problem? I’m no expert, but he’s pretty cute. For a guy, anyway.”
“His looks are definitely not the problem. The problem is I can’t let anyone know I have this stupid crush on him.”
“Why not?”
“Kane, come on. This is high school we’re talking about. I haven’t even dealt with being gay yet. You’re only the second person who even knows, assuming Mom and Dad really don’t know. I’m definitely not ready to be outed at school.”
He quirked his mouth to one side. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. The kids at school are always picking on this one guy they say is gay.”
“Is he?”
He shrugged. “Who knows? They think he is, so that’s all that really matters.”
I nodded. “Exactly. I mean, middle school is worse than high school. Nobody really picks on the gay guys at my school.”
“Hey, wait a minute. Did you say I was the second person who knows? Who else knows?”
“Amira, this girl in the show I'm doing right now.”
“You told her before you told me?”
I could tell he was hurt.
“No,” I said quickly. “She figured it out. She said she could tell because she’s gay too. That’s what I’ve been upset about all week. I was afraid that if she could tell that easily, maybe other people could too. And then I find out you knew all along...”
“I mean, I didn’t know. I just wondered, is all. And you don’t hafta worry about me. I won’t tell anybody if you’re not ready to come out or whatever.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Kane. How do you know so much about all this, anyway?”
He rolled his eyes. “I watch TV.”
“Well, it means a lot.”
He grinned. “I’m glad I could do something nice for you for a change.” He stood up and scuffed his foot against the carpet. “And, you know, if you need to talk about anything, I’m here for you. Just cuz I’m younger doesn’t mean I can’t help.”
“Yeah, I know that now. I think you just proved yourself pretty well.”
He glowed with pride as he scooped in quickly for another hug before heading for the door.
“But Seth? I don’t think I’d tell Mom if I were you,” he warned.
“Don’t worry, I have no intention.”
He nodded and exited.
I stared after him, letting all the new information swirl around my brain. Kane knew about me and he didn’t care. Neither did Amira. And Mom and Dad didn’t know. It would take me a while to get used to that concept.
Most importantly, though, Kane thought Dad was gay too. My mind had yet to wrap itself around that bit of information. Could it be true? And if so, what did that mean? I had to find out more. But how? I couldn’t exactly ask Mom.
I walked over to my desk and I looked down at my neglected homework. I had a feeling it wouldn’t get finished tonight.
With everything I had going on in my head, it wasn’t at all surprising that I was very distracted the next day at school. Usually attentive and responsive, my teachers found my sudden distractedness frustrating and mildly alarming. More than one teacher pulled me aside after class to ask me if everything was okay. I gave the same answer each time, assuring them that I was fine. Most of them accepted my reassurance with varying degrees of incredulity. Mr. Roedel refused to be put off so easily. He’d cornered me after another disastrous rehearsal and totally failed to buy my assertion that all was fine.
“Give me a little credit here, Seth,” he admonished gently. “I may be a little preoccupied with opening night approaching and our snail’s pace progress, but a blind deaf man could tell you haven’t been yourself this week. And then today, you flubbed several of your lines. What’s going on?”
“It’s really nothing, Mr. Roedel, but thanks for being concerned.”
“Being concerned about my students is part of my job, Mr. Connelly.” He always reverted to our last name whenever he was making a serious point. “It happens to be a part of my job that I especially enjoy. I hope you know you can talk to me. You might find I’m more understanding than you think.”
That caused me to stop and think. Was he hinting about something or was that just my imagination? There were rumors that Mr. Roedel was gay, but then, that was only to be expected for a slightly flamboyant, single, male theater teacher. I’d never put much stock in the whispered stories about his supposed boyfriends. I decided that it was just an innocuous offer to listen.
“Thanks, but it’s just some personal stuff. I’m sure it’ll all work out and I’ll be back to normal by Monday.”
“I hope so, for your sake. If you change your mind, just know you can talk to me anytime.”
I nodded and made my escape. I was still thinking about how odd that whole exchange had been, when someone caught my sleeve and I found myself cornered again — this time by Cole.
“Hey Seth,” he said with a nervous smile that somehow made him even more endearing.
“Er, uh, hey Cole,” I mumbled. “I thought you’d left already.”
“I was waiting for you,” he said.
“For me?” I gulped. “How come?”
“Amira said she was supposed to pick you up for the rehearsal at Lia’s tonight, but she’s going to be late.”
Funny, she hadn’t mentioned that to me, although, to be fair, I hadn’t given her much of a chance to say anything to me.
“So, um, she asked me if I could pick you up," he continued, looking even more nervous. "I said yeah, but I, uh, don’t know where you live.”
I felt my face heat up with anger and embarrassment. Anger at Amira for setting this up and embarrassment at being put in this position. Damnit! Why couldn’t I be old enough to drive?
And then suddenly, I didn’t care if I was old enough to drive. I didn’t want to go to this stupid rehearsal. I didn’t want to spend a long, uncomfortable night at Lia’s house, feeling out of place and awkward.
“You know, Cole,” I said wearily, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to make the rehearsal tonight. I’m really sorry but you’ll just have to do it without me.”
I turned and walked quickly away. I’d only taken a few steps, however, before Cole called after me. “Uh, Seth?” I stopped and turned to face him. “Since I didn’t know where you live and I was going to pick you up and all, Amira said I should just take you home too.” I stood there wishing the school would just collapse on top of me and end this day. When I didn’t say anything, Cole continued hesitantly. “You know, that way I’d know where you lived...”
He looked so nervous and insecure standing there that I felt sorry for him. It wasn’t his fault Amira had turned out to be a conniving bitch.
I sighed. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Cole. That’s really nice of you.”
He shrugged and bit his lip. He stood there for a minute before realizing that I was waiting for him to lead the way to his car. He blushed slightly and started moving.
I fell into step beside him, and we walked silently to the parking lot. For the first time ever, I realized that Cole seemed just as uncomfortable as I did. Maybe he knew I was gay and didn’t want to be alone with me any more than I wanted to be alone with him. Only our reasons would be very different. I wasn’t ready for anyone to know I was gay, and he probably just didn’t like being alone with a queer boy.
I was so lost in my thoughts I almost walked into him when he stopped suddenly in front of a dark gray Honda.
“This is my car,” he said.
“It’s nice.” Lame, Seth, very lame.
“Thanks.”
He unlocked the car before walking around to the driver’s side. I climbed in, sitting my backpack on my lap, and we both buckled up. He started the car and pulled out of the lot. Neither of us spoke the entire time.
Once on the road, I realized he didn’t know where my house was, so I gave him directions to my neighborhood.
We drove a few minutes in silence before Cole spoke up.
“Hey Seth, I know you said you couldn’t make it to the rehearsals, but if there’s any way you can, it would mean a lot to me. I’ve just been really nervous about this play for some reason and the extra time with everyone would make me feel a lot better.”
I couldn’t believe Cole McBride was practically begging me to come. Was this really happening? Had Amira set him up to do this?
“You don’t need me,” I said quietly.
“Yes I do! You’re really important to me! I mean...to the play. I mean Lysander is really important.” He blushed furiously as he kept his eyes carefully on the road.
What was going on?
I didn’t answer right away; in fact, I didn’t say anything except to give him some last-minute directions to my house. As he pulled up in the driveway, I looked over at him. He was staring straight ahead and biting his lip again. The last of my reserves melted away.
“Pick me up at six-thirty,” I said and quickly jumped out of the car.
Kane was standing at the door when I got there. He raised one eyebrow. “Wasn’t that...?”
“Yes,” I said in a voice that clearly said that was the end of the subject.
For once, he took the hint and dropped it.
I was a nervous wreck waiting for Cole to come back. I was such a mess that I couldn’t even eat dinner. I didn’t know how I’d make it through the rehearsal without making a complete fool of myself. By the time he pulled back into our drive, I was practically crawling up the wall.
“Calm down,” Kane said soothingly. “Just do your lines and you’ll be fine.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I grumbled as I started out the door.
“And you make everything so hard,” he called after me.
“Hi,” I said as I climbed into his car for the second time that day.
He smiled at me and his whole face lit up. God, he was beautiful.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come,” he said.
“Well, here I am,” I mumbled.
“Thanks. It means a lot.” He was dripping with sincerity.
“You’re, um, welcome.”
He tried to make small talk all the way to Lia’s house, which was about fifteen minutes away, but I wasn’t feeling very chatty. Most of my answers were of the monosyllabic variety. It didn’t stop him from trying.
Lia’s house turned out to be a charming two-story Colonial, white with black shutters. She greeted us at the door and guided us through a tastefully decorated interior and down to the finished basement, which had been transformed into a cozy rec room, complete with a big-screen TV, giant couches, and a well-used pool table.
Everyone else was already there, including, much to my surprise, Miss I’m-going-to-be-late Amira. If she was going to lie about being late, the least she could do was actually show up late. I glared daggers at her until she looked away guiltily.
“Great, now that everyone’s here, let’s get started,” Lia said brightly.
The rehearsal went smoothly overall. The first run-through was a bit shaky, but we improved with each pass. Everyone knew more of their lines than they’d expected, and by the third time, we all felt much more confident about the scenes.
“Well, hey,” Cole announced after we’d finished. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m feeling a lot better about this now. How about we go through it one more time and then call it a night?”
“Let’s take a break first,” Amira suggested.
I’d done my best to ignore her throughout the night. It had made for rather awkward scenes when it was just the two of us, but no one else seemed to notice.
“Okay,” Cole agreed with a shrug.
“I’ll order the pizza,” Lia said and pulled out her phone.
Several conversations quickly sprung up as I retreated to a corner. Much to my chagrin, Amira made a beeline for me.
“Can I please talk to you for a second?” she asked quietly.
“Don’t you think you’ve said enough?” I snapped.
“Seth, please?”
“Fine,” I agreed through gritted teeth. “But not here.”
She nodded and led me back up the stairs. “Seth and I are going outside to get some fresh air,” she called to Lia.
We went outside on the front lawn, where I stood with my arms crossed tightly across my chest. I stayed quiet, letting my body language do my talking for me.
“Look,” Amira started, “I know you’re probably mad at me for asking Cole to take you home today and pick you up, but I really did think I was going to be late. I promise. I had a bunch of chores I had to do for my mom and I didn’t think I’d ever get them done in time, but it turned out they went faster than I thought they would.”
“So out of everyone else involved, you just had to ask Cole?” I was still angry; she wasn’t getting off the hook that easily.
“It was just the most logical choice, Seth. He doesn’t live that far from us and he can drive. It didn’t make sense to ask Lia to come get you and you hardly even know Alyson, Elliott, or Jayden.”
I grudgingly had to admit she had a point. “So you weren’t just trying to set me up?”
“No, I promise.”
I sighed. “It was just so shocking to have him come up to me and tell me you’d asked him to take me home. Especially after what we talked about the other night.”
“I’m sorry. I would have told you, but you’ve been avoiding me all week.”
“You could have texted.”
“It seemed easier to let him explain it to you then text somebody who isn’t talking to you.”
I grimaced. “Yeah, sorry about that. It’s been a rough week.”
“How’s it going?”
“I thought you weren’t going to bring it up.”
“I didn’t, you did. You know, I could be a friend if you’d let me.”
I looked into her eyes and saw that she was sincere. I decided to take a risk. “I had a lot of trouble with it up until last night.”
“What happened last night?”
“I told my brother and he was fine with it.”
She broke into a wide smile. “That’s great!”
“Yeah, he’s really cool. Not that it’s all peachy-keen now. I still have a lot of stuff to deal with, and I’m definitely not ready to come out yet or anything, but at least I know I have someone in my corner.” I looked over at her and smiled. “Make that two people.”
She gave me a quick hug. It felt weird, but not at all unpleasant. Is this what it was like to have a real friend? I kind of liked it.
“There would be other people in your corner too, if you’d let them in,” she said softly into my ear.
I drew back. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” I said.
She smiled and winked at me. “Baby steps,” she said and we both laughed.
“Are you out?” I asked.
“I mean, I don’t hide it.”
“You were the first person to know about me,” I told her.
“I thought your mom and dad knew,” she said hesitantly, as if afraid to bring up the subject of my parents.
“So did I,” I admitted. “But apparently I was wrong all this time. Kane, my brother, said he’s pretty sure they don’t know.”
“But...I thought you said that was why your dad...”
“That’s what I’ve thought all these years, but Kane says he thinks my dad is gay too and that’s why my mom kicked him out.” I frowned suddenly. I was still new at this friendship thing and it suddenly occurred to me that I was probably oversharing.
Amira seemed to read my expression. “Don’t worry,” she said quickly, “I won’t tell anyone what you tell me. It stays between us. Scout’s honor.”
“You’re not a Boy Scout,” I pointed out.
She laughed. “Whatever. You can still trust me.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked suddenly.
She shook her head. “Not right now. There was this one girl that I was really into, but she didn’t go to our school, so it was hard to see her. Then her parents found out and they didn’t like it at all. They forbid her to see me and that made it even harder, so we just eventually broke it off.”
“Sounds like Lysander and Hermia,” I said.
She laughed. “Yeah, star-crossed lovers. That was us.”
“Is there anyone you like now?”
“Maybe,” she said teasingly.
My response was cut off by the door opening behind us. It was Cole. He looked out at us curiously for a second before speaking. “Hey guys, the pizza’s here.”
Amira looked at me with raised eyebrows. “You ready?”
“Ready,” I said with a smile.
With an answering grin, she presented her arm and I looped mine through it as we walked towards the door. Cole gave us a surprised glance before disappearing into the house.
After we ate, we started from the top with Act 1, Scene 1. It contains the first big scene for Amira and me as Hermia and Lysander. The words took on new meaning after our conversation.
LYSANDER
Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth;
But, either it was different in blood,—
HERMIA
O cross! too high to be enthrall’d to low.
LYSANDER
Or else misgraffed in respect of years,—
HERMIA
O spite! too old to be engaged to young.
LYSANDER
Or else it stood upon the choice of friends,—
HERMIA
O hell! to choose love by another’s eyes.
LYSANDER
Or, if there were a sympathy in choice,
War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,
Making it momentary as a sound,
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
Brief as the lightning in the collide night,
That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
And ere a man hath power to say ‘Behold!’
The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
So quick bright things come to confusion.
The last run-through of the night was, by far, the best. Everyone felt good about our parts when we were finished. Now, if the rest of the cast could get their act together, we’d be fine come opening night.
As everyone was getting their jackets and stuff together, Alyson suggested everyone go to the local creamery for ice cream. Lia immediately agreed. Jayden and Elliott seemed uninterested, but it was Amira’s answer that I was really waiting for. I wasn’t up for more socializing right then, but I’d assumed she’d be taking me home after our bonding session in the yard.
Then I noticed the way Amira was looking at Alyson and I knew what her answer would be — and who she liked. Sure enough, Amira enthusiastically agreed, and my stomach dropped.
Cole spoke up, “I think I’ll just head home.” He turned to me. “Hey Seth, do you want a ride home?”
I had to make a choice, I could be the only guy going for ice cream or I could drive home alone with Cole. I’d survived the ride home from school and the drive here, so it stood to reason I could handle one more.
I smiled. “Thanks. That’d be great.”
His face lit up again with his smile. “You ready now?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said. “See ya, Amira. Bye, guys.”
“Bye,” they chorused.
Amira winked at me and I stuck my tongue out at her.
“You guys are pretty good friends, huh?” Cole asked me as we walked away.
“Who?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“You and Amira.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess so.” We hadn’t been good friends for that long, but there was no need to go into that with him.
We were almost to his car when he suddenly stopped. “Would you like to go for a walk?”
“A walk?” My voice cracked a bit. I just wanted to go home.
I glanced around Lia’s neighborhood. It was nice, a planned residential area with trees standing sentry along the street like the guards at Buckingham Palace. There were no streetlights, so the road was illuminated only by the light from the houses. It fell across the macadam in a patchwork of shadow and warm yellow pools.
“Yeah. There’s a little park at the end of the street. I didn’t want ice cream but I’m not really ready to go home, so I thought maybe we could hang out at the playground. If you don’t mind, I mean.”
I did mind, but it seemed rude to say so. I shrugged, and we set off at a leisurely pace. Cole was looking everywhere but at me. I took the opportunity to study his face and wonder what was going on inside his head.
We walked along in a heavy silence until we reached the park. It was just a small community playground really, a small clearing bordered by trees, with a few pieces of well-worn play equipment clustered in the center.
Cole made for the swings and I trailed along behind him. He settled into the center seat, and I sat in the one to his right. He pushed off gently, but I stayed still. I wasn’t quite sure what we were doing here.
“Can I ask you a question?” he asked after a few seconds.
I was immediately on guard. “I guess,” I said warily, “Although I may not answer it.”
“That’s fair enough, I guess,” he said. Then he went quiet again. I’d just decided he’d changed his mind about asking when he spoke up in a voice so soft I could barely hear him. “Why do you avoid me?”
“Wha—wha—I...you,” I stuttered. Whatever I’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that. I took a deep breath and forced my thoughts into some semblance of organization. “I don’t avoid you,” I lied.
“Yes. Yes, you do,” he said just as softly.
“I...I...” I sighed. “You’re right. I do. I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“I...I don’t know.”
“Do you not like me? Is it something I did? Is it because I got Jack in the last play?”
“No, it’s not like that,” I said desperately. I silently prayed to whoever might be listening to open the ground and swallow me, but of course, it didn’t happen. It never does when you really want it to.
“Is it because I’m gay?” he asked in that same barely audible voice.
The world went blurry, and I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. I jumped off the swing and walked quickly toward the trees. I heard Cole following.
“That’s what it is, isn’t it?” he asked. His voice sounded so defeated that I could barely stand it. “If that’s what it is, I wish you’d just tell me. I’ll leave you alone, I promise. I just need to know why you always seem like you can’t wait to get away from me.”
“Why does it matter?” I asked hoarsely.
“Because...because I like you.”
I spun around. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You...like...me?”
“I mean, I totally understand if you’re not into me. Or into guys. Or whatever. It’s just that you’re so funny and talented and smart and...cute...”
He stopped talking and his eyes grew wide, as if he’d said more than he intended.
I didn’t know what to say. Cole McBride thought I was cute? Nothing that was happening seemed real, as if I would awake any second now and find myself in my bed at home. Or like it was some sort of elaborate prank and everyone would burst out of the trees at any second laughing. Things like this didn’t really happen, did they?
When I didn’t respond, his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Please forget I said that. I won’t bother you anymore.”
He turned and started walking away.
“Cole, wait,” I said quietly.
He stopped and turned back. The moonlight fell across his face now. He was so handsome, my heart felt like it would beat out of my chest.
“You wanted to know why I avoid you. It isn’t anything you did. I didn’t even know you were gay. The reason I’ve been avoiding you is because...” Deep breath. “It’s because I like you too.”
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