Bright Things Come to Confusion
A Killian Kendall Expanded Universe Short Story
By Josh Aterovis
Copyright 2026
Chapter 3
We stood staring at each other for what felt like forever, neither of us saying a word. The silence grew between us until it became an insurmountable wall.
I’d just about given up when Cole brought the wall crashing down with just one sentence, “I think maybe we should start over.”
I nodded vigorously, eager to agree to whatever he suggested. “Should we sit back down?” I asked tentatively.
He answered by walking back over to the swings and settling into the same one he’d chosen before. He didn’t swing this time, just silently watched as I sat next to him, his eyes never leaving me for a second.
“I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long,” he said after a moment. “It almost seems like it’s just a dream.”
I don’t know what came over me, but I found myself reaching over and pinching Cole on the arm.
“Ow!” he yelped.
“It’s not a dream,” I said with a giggle.
He grinned suddenly, his face lighting up in that now familiar way. “Wow,” he said with a happy sigh. “You really like me?”
I grinned back and nodded shyly.
He laughed out loud. “I can’t believe this! I thought you hated me because you’d heard that I was gay.”
“I was afraid to get too close to you because I thought you’d figure out I was gay.”
He laughed again.
I had a million questions and I just couldn’t hold them in anymore. “People know you’re gay?”
“Yeah, I thought everybody knew. I’ve not exactly kept it a secret.”
“I had no idea.”
“I figured Amira would have told you, if nothing else.”
“Amira knows?”
“Yeah. Like I said, most people do.”
“You’re only the third person who even knows about me.”
“Hey, it’s cool. Everyone should come out at their own pace.”
“I don’t know if I want to come out at all. Nobody bothers you?”
He shrugged. “I guess it depends on what you consider bothering. I get called names sometimes, but that doesn’t really bother me. I’ve been pushed around a couple times, but I went to the principal both times and she took care of it. We have a pretty strict non-harassment policy at our school. But for the most part, no one really cares who I like.”
I’d never even considered that it might be that simple. It amazed me that this had been going on right under my nose and I’d been so caught up in my own misery that I’d missed it all.
I got lost for a minute in my own thoughts. When I looked up again, he was simply staring at me.
“What?” I asked, suddenly self-conscious.
“You’re so cute,” he said in a gentle voice.
“Me?” I yipped. That was twice now he’d called me cute.
“Yeah, you.”
“No way. I’m skinny and goofy and my hair never wants to do anything I tell it to.”
He laughed. “I love your hair. It’s so adorable. You’re so adorable. Do you know how many times I’ve forgotten lines because I get lost looking at you?”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Wow. I never even imagined. I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen.” I blushed as I said the words. It felt so strange to be talking about this out loud, especially to Cole of all people.
He didn’t say anything for a minute, and I found myself terrified that I’d gone too far.
“I pretend that I’m saying my lines to you,” he said quietly.
“What?” I asked in surprise.
He stood up and turned to face me. The moonlight fell across his face like a spotlight. He began to speak softly, his voice slowly gaining strength as he recited his lines from the play with an intensity I’d never heard from him.
“Things growing are not ripe until their season,” he said, “So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason. And touching now the point of human skill, Reason becomes the marshal to my will and leads me to your eyes, where I o’erlook Love’s stories written in love’s richest book.”
My breath caught in my throat as the familiar words took on new meaning spoken directly to me. By the time he finished, my heart was pounding so hard it almost drowned out his voice.
He slowly began to move toward me, each step closer caused my heart to beat even faster. He stopped in front of me, so close I could feel his body heat in the cool night air. I looked up at him, my heart in my throat. He began to lean in toward me, seemingly in slow motion. I was completely lost in his gaze. His lips slowly descended to mine.
It was my first kiss and it was from the boy of my dreams. I let go of the chains to pull him closer.
And suddenly, we were falling.
We hit the dusty ground with a thud, my legs still caught awkwardly in the swing, Cole landing heavily on my chest.
“Oof,” I grunted.
“Oh my God! I’m so sorry,” Cole said as he struggled in vain to disentangle himself.
All at once, the situation struck me as hilarious and I started to laugh. After a few seconds, Cole joined in. The laughter built until we were howling, and Cole once again collapsed against my chest. Eventually, we laughed ourselves out, but we continued to lay like that for a while, catching our breath, his body creating a pleasant pressure against mine. I had no complaints.
Finally, he pushed himself up on his elbows and looked down at me. “I can’t believe this is really happening,” he whispered.
“Do I have to pinch you again?” I asked with a smile.
He smiled back, then slowly leaned in for another kiss. This one wasn’t interrupted by gravity, and it proved to be much more satisfying.
After a minute, he gently broke off the kiss. I gave a soft moan of disappointment; I didn’t want it to end. I was happier than I’d been since Dad had walked out of our lives and never come back. I hadn’t thought I’d ever be this happy again.
“This probably isn’t the best place to do this,” he said with a chuckle.
“I don’t care,” I said and tried to kiss him again, but he pulled back with a laugh.
“What if somebody catches us?”
I hadn’t thought about that. Suddenly I became very aware of the fact that Cole was lying on top of me in the middle of the playground. “Yeah, okay. Good point,” I conceded.
Cole managed to stand up, then took my hand and helped me get untangled from the swing. He pulled me to my feet and we stood staring into each other’s eyes, our bodies almost touching but not quite. I realized he was still holding my hand and looked down. He followed my gaze.
He cleared his throat nervously. “So, um, since you like me and I like you...” He paused and took a deep breath. “Would you like to be my boyfriend?”
I felt my eyes widen. Wow. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet. I began to stutter, “Oh wow...I mean...whoa...I didn’t expect...” I took a deep breath of my own and forced myself to speak coherently. “Can I think about it and get back to you?”
Immediately, hurt flashed through his eyes. He let go of my hand as if it had burnt him and stepped back. “Never mind,” he muttered. “It was a stupid question.”
“It wasn’t a stupid question,” I said quickly. “It’s just that this is all happening a little quickly here. A couple hours ago, I didn’t even know you were gay. Hell, a couple days ago, I could barely admit I was. I just need time for all this to soak in, you know?”
He gave a jerky little nod, but I could tell he was still upset. I stepped closer to him. “Cole, you know I like you. Kissing you was incredible. I’ve never felt like that before. This is all just really new for me. Please try to understand.”
He visibly relaxed. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” He took my hands in his again and held them against his chest. “Take all the time that you need. Just please say yes after you think about it.”
I laughed and leaned in against him. He let go of my hands and slid his around my back, holding me tightly. It felt very right.
“Kissing you was pretty incredible for me, too,” he said into my hair.
I tipped my head to one side and smiled at him. He quickly leaned in and kissed me. Not a long lingering kiss, just a short sweet smooch.
“I guess I’d better get you home,” he said after a few minutes of just standing there holding me.
I sighed. “Yeah, I guess so,” I said reluctantly.
Neither of us moved.
“We’re going to have to let go eventually,” he whispered.
“Yeah, but maybe not just yet,” I whispered back.
His arms tightened around me. We stood like that for a few more minutes before I gently pulled away. He let his arms slide around me until his hands rested lightly on my hips.
“So much changed tonight,” I said, staring into his eyes.
“All for the better, I hope,” he said with a lopsided smile.
“Definitely.”
He spun me around by my hips and gave me a gentle push in the direction of Lia’s house. “If we don’t start walking we’re never going to leave,” he said.
I laughed as I reached back for him and we walked down the street hand in hand. As we approached Lia’s though, I dropped his hand.
He glanced over at me questioningly.
“I’m not ready for anyone else to know,” I said simply.
He grimaced. “I want to scream it from the roof.” He laughed at my startled expression. “But I won’t,” he added quickly. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
I smiled as he unlocked the car doors. Climbing in, I couldn’t help but think how different it felt from earlier that day in the school parking lot. Now he knew I was gay, and I knew he was too. And not only that, we’d kissed! It still felt unreal, like I was floating through someone else’s story.
As he pulled away from the curb, the questions that had been pushed aside earlier in the evening began to resurface.
“Have you had a boyfriend before?” I asked him.
“Yes. Twice,” he said softly.
“What’s it like?”
“Well, my last dating experience was a disaster.”
“Oh, I’m sorry...”
“No, it’s okay. I’m past all that. He was a jerk. He cheated on me, so I dumped him. It hurt at the time, but I’m okay now. Live and learn.”
“What about the other one?”
He smiled sadly. “You might say that one is bittersweet.”
“What do you mean?”
“I really liked him. He was sweet and funny and cute. We had a lot of fun together. It was nice having someone who really understood me. He was great. But he was terrified of anyone else knowing about us and that wasn’t so great. Sneaking around and lying got old really fast.”
“So what happened?”
“It got to be too much. We started fighting about stupid stuff and eventually we broke up.”
I thought about that for a minute. “Wouldn’t you just be getting into the same thing again with me?”
He glanced over at me and shrugged. “I don’t know. Would I?”
“I’m not ready for people to know.”
“You wouldn’t have to tell the whole school.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to tell anyone.”
“You told me.”
“That was different.”
“Amira knows.”
“Did she tell you?” I demanded, ready to be furious with her if she had.
“No,” he assured me quickly. “At least, not exactly. The other day she said something about a friend who was having a hard time accepting that they were gay. I didn’t associate it with you until I saw you two together tonight.”
“Oh,” I said, slightly mollified, but still a bit miffed that she’d mention me at all.
“You need to stop being so defensive,” he said gently. “There are a lot of people who would be supportive of you if you’d let them.”
“I’m not used to letting people get close to me.”
“I’ve noticed. But is that how you want to live the rest of your life?”
My answer came quickly. “No.”
“Then you have to start letting people in. I hope you’ll start with me.”
I turned and studied his face in the light from the dashboard while he drove. He was so beautiful. It was hard for me to believe he wanted me. It all seemed too good to be true. I was afraid that if I allowed myself to believe I could be that happy, that something horrible would happen. I wasn’t supposed to be happy. That’s just the way it was. Right? I’d been miserable for so long it was all I knew.
“Is it possible to be afraid of happiness?” I asked almost under my breath.
His mouth tugged down at the corners. “I think so,” he answered thoughtfully. “And I think it’s all that stands between many people really being happy. Like, it’s right there within reach, if they were just willing to take a risk and let it happen.”
I sighed. “I think I have a lot to think about tonight. No matter what happens though, I hope we can be friends.”
“Me too,” he said, giving me a small smile. “And if I’m still hoping for more than friends, well, you’ll just have to deal with it.”
I laughed. “Baby steps,” I told him.
He laughed too. “As long as we’re moving in the same direction.”
He pulled into my driveway and suddenly I became nervous. What was the protocol here? We weren’t boyfriends, but we had kissed. Would he try to kiss me now? What if Mom happened to be at the window? I quickly reached for the door handle.
“Seth?” Cole said quickly. “I really...I really enjoyed tonight. Think about what I said, okay?”
I nodded; hand still on the handle, ready to make a run for it if he made any sudden moves.
“I’d really like to kiss you goodnight, but it’s pretty obvious how you feel about that,” he chuckled. “So, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Cole shall restore amends,” he said, paraphrasing Puck’s closing speech.
I smiled and felt myself relax. I took a quick look at the house, and seeing no one at the windows, I took Cole’s hand in mine and leaned in for a short kiss. He didn’t let go of my hand right away, giving it a gentle squeeze before reluctantly relinquishing it as I swung open the door.
“Talk to you soon?” he asked hopefully.
“Count on it,” I said, and was rewarded with another of his illuminating smiles.
I practically floated inside. I couldn’t remember ever feeling that happy. I coasted on my natural high all the way to my room, where I dropped backward onto my bed and just stared at the ceiling.
When I was around ten, I’d become obsessed with astronomy. Dad had bought me a telescope and then helped me paint my ceiling black with painstakingly applied tiny stars of glow-in-the-dark paint. The light in the center of the room represented the sun and we painted in all the constellations we could fit. I’d been a stickler for accuracy and it had taken forever to finish.
Since Dad left, I’d thought a few times about painting over it, but had never actually been able to bring myself to do it. However, it wasn’t the galaxy on my ceiling that I was seeing now; my mind was far above it, lost among the real stars.
“Hello, Earth to Seth,” a voice rudely brought me back. Without getting up, I turned my head to find Kane standing in my doorway, an amused expression on his face. “Welcome back,” he quipped.
“Bite me,” I said with a dopey grin.
“No thanks,” he shot back. “I’ll leave that to your boyfriend.”
“What?” I gasped, sitting up with a jolt. “How...? I mean...I don’t have a boyfriend!”
Kane started laughing. “Chill out, Seth. I was just kidding.”
My heart was in my throat as I glared at my little brother. “Well, it wasn’t funny.”
I'd hoped to sound stern, but it came out rather whiny. It made Kane laugh all the harder. I continued to glare until he’d calmed himself down.
“So, how’d it go tonight?” he asked once he’d regained his composure.
“What do you mean?” I asked defensively.
He rolled his eyes. “Rehearsal? You were a nervous wreck before you left. Or was that just because what’s-his-name was driving you?”
“Cole, his name is Cole.”
Kane smiled mischievously. “So it was Cole you were nervous about.”
I growled warningly.
“Oh come on. I want to know what happened to make you act all goofy.”
“Nothing happened. And I was not acting goofy.”
“Yes, you were. Something obviously happened, and I want to know what. Please tell me?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Please, Seth?” He gave me his puppy dog eyes and I felt myself giving in. He didn’t use them often, but when he did, I just couldn’t say no. “I’m your little brother!”
“Fine,” I surrendered huffily. “But come in and close the door.”
He grinned triumphantly as he shut the door and bounced up onto the bed next to me.
“So what happened?” he asked eagerly.
“Rehearsal went well,” I started off slowly. “Everyone knows their parts now and we all feel a lot better about the play.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Kane interrupted. “Can we get to the good part now?”
I gave him a playful shove. “Who’s telling this story?”
“Obviously not me or we’d be to the good part already.”
I laughed. “Okay, okay. After practice, the girls wanted to go get ice cream, so Cole offered to drive me home.”
“Mmmhmm,” Kane said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
I felt my cheeks heat up and knew I was blushing.
“Anyway,” I continued. “When we got outside, Cole asked if we could take a walk.”
“Mmmhmm!” Kane said again.
“Look, are you going to keep interrupting with your little comments?”
He giggled. “Okay, I’ll stop. I promise.”
“As I was saying, he asked if we could take a walk and I agreed, but I was really nervous. So we walked to this little park at the end of the street, and he asked me why I was avoiding him. I said I wasn’t.” Kane snorted and got a warning glance. I took a deep breath. “Then he asked me if it was because he’s gay.”
“I knew it!” Kane shouted, jumping to his feet.
“Do you mind?”
“Not at all. What happened next?” he asked, practically vibrating with excitement. “Did you kiss?”
“Kane!” I gasped in shock.
“What? Did you?”
“I... He... We...”
“Oh my God! You did, didn’t you?” he crowed.
“Shh!” I hissed.
He jumped up on the bed again, bouncing up and down on his knees. “Seth and Cole sittin’ in a tree,” he started to sing.
I grabbed a pillow and shoved it over his face, pushing him down on the mattress. “Will you keep it down! Jeez, you’re going to have Mom in here if you don’t stop.”
He went limp, and I removed the pillow.
“Sorry, I’m just excited for you,” he said, looking up at me with a grin.
“A little too excited, if you ask me.”
He suddenly became serious and sat up. “Seth, you don’t understand. You’ve been there for me for so long — always taking care of me and trying to make sure that I was happy — but nobody was there to make you happy. It’s just really great to see you find someone you like and who makes you feel good.”
I felt a little teary all of a sudden. I grabbed him and pulled him against me for a tight hug.
“So,” he asked after a second. “How was the kiss?”
I laughed and shoved him away. I wiped my eyes and decided to just give in and go with it.
“It was incredible,” I sighed happily.
“Did you use tongue?”
“None of your business.”
“Did you?” He pulled the puppy dog eyes again.
“Yes,” I admitted with a blush.
“Did you guys do it?”
“Kane!” I cried.
He giggled. “Just kidding. But seriously, are you guys, like, boyfriends now?”
“No,” I said slowly, drawing the word out. “He asked me, but I said I needed to think about it.”
“What’s to think about? You like him, he likes you...seems obvious to me.”
“That’s just it, though. It’s not that simple. Maybe if we were straight it would be, but we’re not.”
“Well duh. Thanks for that newsflash. Why isn’t it that simple?”
“Okay, look. If you want to date a girl, you can just ask her out, and if she says yes—”
“What do you mean ‘if’?”
“—if she says yes, you can walk down the halls at school holding hands and no one will even blink. But if I say yes to Cole, then we have to be really careful. There are a lot of people out there who don’t like gay people. They could make life really hard for us.”
“Then don’t hold hands at school.”
“There are other reasons too.”
“Like what?”
“I’ve barely accepted that I’m gay, I don’t know if I’m ready to jump right into being someone’s boyfriend.”
“You won’t know unless you try.”
“And what about Mom?”
“Oh.” That brought him up short. I’d begun to think he had an answer for everything. “Yeah. She can't find out.”
Definitely not. It was hard enough to pretend to be straight all these years when I didn’t have any friends. How much harder will it be if I have a boyfriend? And then there's Dad.”
He screwed up his face. "Dad?"
“I need to know what really happened the night mom kicked him out. I need to know if he's really gay like me.”
“How are you going to find out about Dad?”
“I’m going to try and find him.”
Kane’s eyes grew round. “How?”
“I don’t know exactly. I guess I could start with social media.”
I grabbed my laptop, and we searched for his name on Facebook, but nothing came up. We got the same result with Instagram. Next, I tried a Google search. The first thing that came up was a website for a graphic design and marketing company. That was what Dad did for a living. I clicked on the site, then clicked on the About Us tab.
I gasped when a picture of Dad appeared, smiling and looking a little older than I remembered.
“Wow,” Kane said under his breath. “That’s him.”
“Yeah.”
I didn’t know what to do next.
“Is there a phone number or something?” Kane asked.
I clicked on Contact Us, and a contact form loaded on the screen. Damn. I'd been hoping for a phone number or an address. Then I thought to scroll down. And there it was, below the form. A number.
I stared at the screen, hardly believing how easy it had been. It was my first tangible link to Dad in years. If I wanted, I could call him, hear his voice again. It had been so long. My hand reached for my phone, almost of its own volition, but I stopped just short of picking it up.
“What are you waiting for?” Kane said breathlessly. “Call him.”
“It’s late,” I said, glancing at the clock. “This is probably an office number. He won't be working at this time of night. Besides, you’d better get to bed.”
I was pretty sure it was a cell number based on the exchange, but I was reaching for any excuse to not dial him at that moment.
“It’s a Friday night, I don’t have to get up early in the morning,” Kane argued.
“What do you want to do? Stay up all night?”
“I want you to call Dad. We could at least leave a message.”
“I...can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. I’m not ready.”
“Well, I am. Here, give me your phone.” He made a grab for my cell, and I snatched it away.
“Kane, no!” My voice came out sterner than I’d intended. Kane's face fell. “I'm sorry. It’s just...I think we should wait and call tomorrow.”
“You promise you won’t call him without me?”
“Yeah. I’m just tired right now. A lot has happened tonight.”
He nodded wisely. “Like your first kiss.”
I blushed. “Yeah, like that.”
He grinned. “I want to hear more about that kiss.”
I threw a pillow at him, which he easily dodged. “No way, José.”
“Aw, come on,” he wheedled. “You’re my big brother. You’re supposed to tell me these things. How else will I know what to expect from my first kiss?”
“It’s just kissing. I don’t want to talk about it.”
He made a face. “Okay, fine. But what are you going to do about him?”
I sighed. “I don’t know yet, and I really don’t want to talk about that either.”
“Well, if you’re going to be boring, I guess I’ll go watch TV in bed,” he said.
He started for the door but then suddenly scooped up the pillow I’d thrown at him and gave me a solid whack across the face.
“Hopefully, that knocked some sense into you,” he said with a wicked grin.
He was out the door before I could react.
A few seconds later, the door reopened just wide enough for Kane to stick his head in. “For the record,” he said in a serious tone. “I think you should go for it.”
He closed the door again, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I woke up late the next morning with a renewed sense of purpose. I was determined to call Dad — and the sooner the better. I needed to talk to him, to know what had happened. I went to find Kane, but no one was home. I found a note from him on the counter saying Mom had gone shopping, and he was tired of waiting for me to wake up, so he was going skating.
I was suddenly impatient to talk to Dad, but I had promised Kane I wouldn’t call without him. Then an idea hit me. I might have promised not to call him, but I hadn’t promised I wouldn’t text him.
I pulled out my phone, but then just sat staring at it. What would I even say? "Hey, it's your son who you haven't even talked to in three years?" What if he didn't want to talk to me?
Maybe I could just pretend to be a customer or something. Just see if he'd even respond.
I started typing.
"Hi. I was wondering if you were accepting new clients," I tapped out, then hit send before I could chicken out.
I sat staring at the screen. A bead of nervous sweat ran down my side, reminding me that I needed a shower. I decided that would be a better use of my time than waiting for my dad to maybe text back a potential client on the weekend.
I showered and got dressed, deliberately not checking my phone. When I was fully dressed, I finally gave in.
I picked it up and saw a notification. Someone had texted.
I opened it up to see a reply.
"Yes, depending on the project. What are you looking for?"
My dad. I was looking for my dad. I couldn't very well say that, though, and I didn't really know much about Dad's job — certainly not enough to fake my way through a conversation.
Then a flash of inspiration hit me.
"I'd rather discuss it in person," I sent. "Could I make an appointment?"
"Of course," he replied almost immediately. "When would work for you?"
"How about Monday?" I suggested.
"What time?"
What time, indeed? If I was really planning to keep the appointment, it would have to be after school. I got out at two-thirty, so I suggested three, and he agreed.
"Where should I meet you?" I asked, and he sent back an address.
Was that really his home address? He used to work from home when he lived here. I stared at the address, reading it again and again. Baltimore. He was so close. The realization that, after all these years, I finally knew where to find him hit me like a wave — intense, almost overwhelming.
Suddenly, I knew I couldn't wait until Monday. I needed to see him.
I had to figure out how to get to him. Once again, I found myself cursing the fact that I couldn’t drive yet. I searched the address on Google Maps. We lived in the suburbs of Baltimore County, which surrounded the city like a donut with a bite taken out of it, and he was on the outskirts of the city on the other side of the county.
I pulled out my wallet and stared dejectedly at its pathetic contents: three whole dollars. I could probably take a bus, but I’d never ridden one in my life and, if I had to be honest, I was a little scared at the prospect. There was no way I could walk there. I had Lyft on my phone, but it was linked to Mom's bank account and she'd told us to only use it in an emergency. I felt like this qualified, but Mom would ask questions, and she couldn't know about any of this.
Another crazy idea occurred to me. Or maybe it wasn’t so crazy. I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed a number that, even one day ago, I wouldn't have even dreamed of calling.
“Cole?” I said when he answered.
“Hey!” he said, and despite my reason for calling, I felt a quickening of my heartbeat.
“Hi,” I said, suddenly shy. “This is Seth.”
“I know. You’re saved in my phone from our group texts. And I recognized your voice.” He sounded genuinely happy that I’d called, and I suddenly felt guilty for only calling him because I needed a ride.
“Oh... I...uh... I need to see you,” I stammered.
“Really?” He sounded excited.
“Um, yeah. I need to talk to you about something. And I kind of need a favor.”
“Anything,” he said without hesitation.
“You may want to hear me out before you commit to anything,” I warned him.
“When do you want to talk?”
“Anytime, but preferably not on the phone. Are you busy now?”
“Not really. I was just hanging around the house. You want me to come over?”
“Could you?”
“Sure. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
We said goodbye, and I hung up. Once again, I stared at the address. I was getting closer all the time, but closer to what? I went to watch for Cole to arrive.
I had intended to head him off in the driveway and ask him if we could go somewhere else, but he was out of the car before I could even get to the door, and it seemed rude not to invite him in. I was nervous as hell since I didn’t know when Mom would be home. I really didn’t want to have to explain Cole to her. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a friend over to the house.
I quickly showed him around the house, which didn’t take long since it wasn’t very big, and the tour ended in my room. As he stepped into my sanctuary, I suddenly felt very vulnerable. Except for Kane and my mom, no one had been in here for years. I wondered what Cole would think of the painted ceiling that suddenly felt extremely juvenile. Or the ragged teddy bear sitting on top of my dresser, the one I’d had since I was born. Or the assortment of academic trophies on the shelf. Would he see me as an immature geek? I held my breath as he looked around.
“Nice,” he said, and I let out my breath in a whoosh. “The ceiling is really cool,” he added.
“My dad and I painted it,” I said softly.
He turned to face me. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you mention your dad before,” he said casually.
“I haven’t seen him in years,” I blurted out.
His eyes widened. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry,” he said as he reached out a hand, as if to snatch back his words.
“No, it’s...it’s okay. It’s...a long story.”
“I have time,” he said. I tried to look away, but somehow couldn’t. I saw something in his eyes that made me want to tell him the whole story — but not here.
“Can we go somewhere else and talk?” I asked.
He gave me a confused look.
“I don’t know when my mom is coming home, and I’d rather not be here when she does.”
Understanding flooded his eyes. He had such expressive eyes. I could tell almost every thought that went through his mind without him even needing to speak. If I’d been able to look him in the eyes before, maybe I would have seen his feelings for me before things reached the point they did at the park last night. Not that I would have had the nerve to act on them, so maybe it was better that things had happened the way they had.
“Where do you want to go?” he asked me.
I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Anywhere.”
“Then I have an idea.”
“Where?”
He grinned. “I’ll surprise you.”
I found myself smiling in return. We started toward the door at the same time and stopped awkwardly.
“You go first,” I said shyly.
He just stared into my eyes and once again, I was caught in his gaze.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you after I dropped you off last night,” he said in a husky voice.
My breath caught in my throat as he leaned slowly towards me. His lips closed over mine and my arms instinctively circled around his neck. I was losing myself in his kiss when I heard the front door open. I leaped away from Cole as if I’d been burned.
“I’m sorry”—” he started, but I shook my head to cut off his unnecessary apology.
“Let’s go,” I said, eager to get out before Mom did something to embarrass me.
I made a beeline for the door, passing Mom as she went into the kitchen with an armload of bags.
“I’m going out,” I called to her.
She glanced up to respond and stopped when she saw Cole. Her eyes narrowed, and she stepped back into the hall.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” she said.
“Mom, this is Cole. Cole, this is my mother.”
“Eve Douglas,” she said, holding out her hand. “What’s your last name, Cole?”
“McBride, ma’am,” he answered politely.
“Where are you going?” she asked me, although her eyes never left Cole. I was impressed that he refrained from squirming under her scrutiny. Where her sudden interest in my activities had come from, I didn’t know. Usually she couldn’t care less what Kane and I did as long as we left her alone and stayed out of trouble.
“Just out,” I said.
She finally turned her icy glare to me.
It’s funny how when you’re around someone all the time, you tend to stop really looking at them, but now I saw her as Cole must see her. She was a small woman, barely reaching five foot in height, and if she weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet, I’d be surprised. But what she lacked in size, she made up for in personality. She exuded an intimidating aura that left men more than twice her size trembling in her wake. She’d had long hair when I was younger, but a few years ago, she’d started wearing it short, almost severely so. It was still as fiery red as ever, but now instead of a curtain of red gold, the spiky locks more closely resembled dancing flames. Her eyes were the same shade of intense green that both Kane and I shared.
She stared at me for a few seconds and then she simply turned and went into the kitchen. “Don’t be late,” she called over her shoulder, almost as an afterthought.
“Let’s go,” I said, grateful for the release.
“Wow, your mom is intense,” Cole said once we were in his car.
“No kidding,” I muttered.
“Is she like that all the time?”
“Pretty much.”
He gave me a sympathetic look before starting the car and backing out onto the road.
“Do I get to know where we’re going yet?” I asked.
“Nope,” he said with another one of his grins. “But feel free to start talking any time. I can drive and listen at the same time.”
“Talk about what?” I asked in confusion.
He shrugged. “Beats me. You’re the one who said you needed to talk to me when you called earlier. If you don’t know what about, I sure don’t.”
I laughed but then sobered up quickly. Cole noticed and glanced over at me with concern on his face.
“Hey look, if this is about me asking you to be my boyfriend, you’re right, it was too fast. I should have never asked. It was wrong of me to put you in that position.”
“It’s not about that. And you had every right to ask. I just need a little more time. Actually, what I did want to talk to you about is one of the reasons why I need more time.”
“I’m listening,” he said gently when I paused.
I took a deep breath. “When I was twelve, I woke up one night to hear my parents fighting. That was nothing new really. They’d been fighting for years, but that night it seemed worse than usual, so I got out of bed and tried to sneak out into the hallway to hear what they were fighting about.
“When I opened the door, my little brother Kane was already out in the hall, and he barged into the living room where Mom and Dad were. Dad sent us back to our rooms, but I couldn’t sleep. Later that night, I went into Kane’s room to see if he’d heard more than I did. He had, and he started telling me about it. He said he’d heard them use the word faggot.
"I panicked. I knew what a faggot was, and I was pretty sure I was gay by that time. I went to the living room and there was my mom at the computer, looking at all the pictures I had on there.”
I paused again and glanced over at Cole, trying not to blush. His eyes were on the road, but I had no doubt that he was listening intently.
“They were pictures of naked boys. I figured they’d found them and that’s what they were fighting about. I went back to my room and cried myself to sleep. The next morning, Dad was gone. I never saw him again. Mom never mentioned the pictures, and we weren’t allowed to talk about Dad.”
“Oh wow. Seth I’m so sorry—” Cole started.
“Just wait,” I interrupted. “I’m just getting started. I spent the last few years believing that Dad left because he found out I was gay and couldn’t handle it, and that Mom had pulled away because she was disgusted too, but stuck with me as my mother. I tried to be the perfect son. And I tried to be straight. I kept thinking that if I was good enough, maybe she’d love me again, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I hoped Dad would come back. Neither happened, but something else happened recently that changed everything.
“When I came out to Kane, he told me what else he’d heard that night. It has nothing to do with me.”
“You mean they didn’t know you’re gay?”
“No, they have no idea from what I can tell.”
“Then why did Kane hear them say something about a faggot? And why did your dad leave?”
“Kane thinks they were fighting because my dad is gay.”
“What?” he exclaimed, looking over at me and swerving dangerously into the wrong lane.
“Eyes on the road!” I squealed. Once the car was back on the right side of the road, I continued. “From what Kane heard, Dad is gay, and Mom freaked out about it. Which I guess I can understand. She threw him out.”
“But why haven’t you seen or heard from him since he left? Even if they got divorced, wouldn’t he have visitation rights?”
“I don’t know. That’s one of the things I want to talk to him about.”
“You’re going to talk to him?”
“I hope so. That’s what I need your help with.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. I managed to get his address, but I don’t have any way of getting there...”
“I’ll take you,” he said immediately.
“Are you sure? I mean, I hate to even ask, but I don’t have anyone else...”
“You didn’t ask. I offered.”
“But I mean...”
“I offered, Seth. I want to do this for you. I want to help.”
I was suddenly overwhelmed by emotion and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned quickly towards the window as the first few tears squeezed out and rolled down my cheeks.
“Thank you,” I managed to mumble.
As I stared out the window, I noticed where we were for the first time. We’d driven into the city and we were heading steadily towards the Inner Harbor. Baltimore’s harbor is one of the oldest harbors in America. It had become a very dangerous and seedy place until the 1970’s when it was completely redeveloped and restored. Now it’s a beautiful tourist attraction with restaurants, museums, shops, the National Aquarium, street entertainers and much more.
“We’re going to the Inner Harbor,” I announced brilliantly. As if this was news to Cole.
“About time you figured it out.”
“My mind was on other things,” I defended myself, but with a smile, since I knew he was only kidding. I realized that I’d better snap out of it and start paying more attention to Cole.
“Oh, is my presence distracting you?” he teased.
I gave him a sidelong glance from under lowered lashes, trying to act as sexy as I knew how. I didn’t have a lot of practice. “You know it,” I purred...or tried to purr. I guess I pulled it off because I got the satisfaction of seeing Cole blush.
“Ahem,” he cleared his throat. “I, uh, was planning on maybe taking you to the Aquarium if you were interested, but if you want we can just go right to your dad’s.”
“The Aquarium?” I repeated dumbly.
The National Aquarium is world-famous and huge. It’s home to over 10,000 animals. It's also pretty expensive to get in.
“I, uh, didn’t bring any money with me.”
“That’s okay. I was planning on paying for you anyway.”
“You don’t have to do that!”
“I know, but I was hoping you’d let me. Think of it as our first date.”
I felt my face flush with pleasure. I could barely wrap my mind around the idea of me going on a date with Cole McBride. It still didn’t seem possible.
We had a great time. For a while, I was able to forget everything else and just enjoy being with Cole. We did our best to stay discreet, but the occasional lingering touches and quick kisses stolen in the dimly lit shark alley were more thrilling than anything I'd ever experienced. Eventually, though, our visit had to end. I felt a pang of sadness as we left, but the moment we stepped outside, my thoughts snapped back to my father. Cole must have sensed the shift in me, because he didn’t hesitate for a second.
“Are you ready to go find your dad now?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“So what’s the address?”
I had it memorized by now. I rattled it off, and he cocked an eyebrow and let out a low whistle. “I have an aunt who lives in that neighborhood,” he said. “It’s really nice.”
“So you know where it is?” I asked excitedly.
“More or less. Let’s go.”
I spent the drive in quiet anticipation. Cole seemed to sense my need for silence and respectfully left me to my thoughts. I was so nervous by the Cole parked on a block of the two-story brick rowhouses that I felt like I was about to crawl out of my skin.
Cole shut off the car, but I didn’t move to get out. After a minute, Cole spoke up. “I, uh, can’t imagine how scary this must be,” he said softly, “but I want to respect your privacy and all, so I’ll stay in the car if you want.”
I shook my head no. “Please come with me,” I managed to whisper.
Cole slipped out of the car, came around to my door, and opened it for me. Still, I sat unmoving. I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car. Cole reached out a hand, and I reluctantly took it and let him draw me from my seat.
“Now what?” I asked. My voice broke on the second word, sending the end of the question into an upper register that caused me to flinch.
“Now we go knock on the door,” Cole said gently.
“What if he’s not home?” Having arrived, I was determined to postpone this as long as possible.
“Then we come back another time.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me?”
“Then we leave, but I seriously doubt that’s going to happen.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my life,” I confided.
He took my hand in his and smiled at me. “That’s why I’m here.”
After a few shaky breaths, I was as ready as I was going to get. Finding which rowhouse was Dad’s was as easy as finding the unobtrusive brass letters above the doors.
I stood in front of Dad’s door shaking with nerves and squeezing Cole’s hand so hard it’s a miracle I didn’t shatter his bones. I was about to chicken out and make a break for the car when Cole reached up and knocked on the door.
“What did you do that for?” I gasped.
“It’s what you do when you want someone to answer the door,” he said mildly. “And you looked like you were about to run.”
Before I could respond, the door swung open.
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