Reap The Whirlwind

Book 2 of the Killian Kendall Mysteries

By Josh Aterovis
Copyright 2026

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Chapter 9

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

I've always been sensitive to repetitive noises. They annoy me in a way that few things do. The first thing I remember thinking as I was slowly dragged back to consciousness (very much against my will) is how much I wanted that damn beeping to stop.

Beep

Beep

Beep

It wasn't even all that loud. In fact, it was rather soft. But it was incessant. Insistent. Grating against my nerves and disturbing my sleep.

Beep

Beep

Beep

I had to make the noise stop. But that meant I had to wake up.

Beep

Beep

Beep

Oh, but I didn't want to wake up. Floating in this darkness was nice. I didn't have to deal with life's problems.

Beep

Beep

Beep

The infernal beeping just kept going. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't seem to lift my lids.

Beep

Beep

Beep

I tried to move my hand, thinking I could find the source without the effort of opening my eyes, but that wouldn't move either.

Beep

Beep

Beep

I tried to speak, but even that proved to take more effort that I could manage. Maybe I was dead. Was this hell?

Beep

Beep

Beep

I couldn't stand it. Putting forth a herculean effort, I parted my lips and forced the words past them.

"Make...it...stop," I rasped.

"Will? Oh my God!" I heard a voice that sounded like Aidan.

"Is he awake?" Another voice that sounded suspiciously like my mother.

"I think he said something," said Aidan.

"What did he say?"

"I don't know. I couldn't understand him. Will! Will, can you hear me?"

I mustered up some more energy — I was quickly depleting my meager supplies — and said again, "Make it stop."

"Oh, my God! He's awake!" Aidan screamed.

"Nurse! Nurse! He's awake!" Mom yelled. She continued yelling this as her voice faded away.

The beeping was still there so I tried again, but this time I decided to be a little more specific, "Make...the damn...beeping...stop."

"Oh, my God! Will, we've been so scared!" Aidan babbled on as if I hadn't just asked, quite reasonably, I thought, that he turn off the beeping. "You're in the hospital—"

That explained the beeping.

"—and you've been in a medically induced coma because your head injury caused swelling on your brain. The doctor said it's a miracle you're even alive. I'm so glad you're awake. You were in a coma for two weeks. They were even starting to talk about what to do if the swelling wouldn't go down or if you were permanently brain damaged. Oh, and you also broke your arm."

I seriously considered sinking back into the beckoning darkness at this point, but that incredibly irritating beeping was still droning on in the background of Aidan's relieved prattle.

I decided to try one last time, "Please make it stop."

"Make what stop? The pain?"

"The beeping."

"Beeping? What... Oh, the heart monitor. I can't. It's what lets us know you're alive."

"I wanted to die."

"I...I know. I'm glad you didn't, though." His voice sounded thick with emotion, and I was suddenly glad I couldn't see his face.

I heard voices coming closer. One was my mother again, talking to someone whose voice I didn't recognize.

"I'll have to have a look at him before I can say, Mrs. Keegan. There are tests we'll have to run, but if he's talking, that's a very good sign," he was saying. His voice stopped above me. "Will? I hear you're talking. I'm Dr. Cherrix. Can you hear me?"

Finally, someone with some authority.

"Yes. Please make the beeping stop."

He chuckled. I was in agony and this guy had the nerve to laugh at me? Just for that, I decided to go back into my coma.

"Is the beeping bothering you?" he asked.

Duh. Why else would I ask you to turn it off?

"Yes," I replied simply.

"We'll get to that in a minute, but only if you can stay with me long enough to answer some questions."

Ah, nothing like blackmail while you are lying half-dead in a hospital bed.

"Do you know your full name?"

I didn't feel like playing stupid games, but if the prize was ending that incessant beeping, I'd do what I had to do.

"William Spencer Keegan."

"Do you like to be called William?"

"No."

"What would you prefer I call you?"

"Will."

"You're doing great, Will. Now, can you open your eyes?"

"No."

That was a step too far. The darkness was my friend.

"Can you try for me?"

"No."

"If you open your eyes, I'll make the beeping stop."

He was playing dirty, but what choice did I have? I tried to open my eyelids again, but they still felt like lead weights.

Was it my imagination or was the beeping growing louder?

With what felt like a superhuman effort, I managed to pry my eyes open a tiny bit, but the light was so bright they immediately snapped shut again.

I wondered if the effort would count for anything.

"That was good, Will. Now try again."

Apparently not.

I sighed. Or I would have if I wasn't busy fighting a battle of wills with my eyelids. I finally forced them open again and, after much blinking and adjusting to the bright light, somehow managed to keep them open this time.

As the dancing spots slowly faded, I saw Aidan, Mom, and a man I assumed to be Dr. Cherrix hovering over my bed. All were wearing concerned, earnest expressions. Dr. Cherrix looked as if this were his usual expression. He was a serious looking middle-aged man, with graying ginger hair, pale blue eyes, and a ruddy complexion.

"Hi," I said.

They all broke into smiles.

"Hello! Welcome back," Dr. Cherrix said. "Now that I've got your attention, I want you to try a few more things for me. Can you move your fingers?"

With what felt like a great deal of effort, I managed to wiggle my fingers.

The doctor looked pleased. "How about your toes?'

I wiggled those too.

"Good! Can you feel this?"

He laid a hand on my arm.

"Yes."

"And this?"

He moved his hand to my ankle.

"Yes."

"Do you know what month it is?"

"Is it the same month that it was when I jumped?"

Mom and Aidan flinched, but Dr. Cherrix didn't even blink. "No, you were unconscious for two weeks."

"Then I guess it must be November."

"Great! How many fingers am I holding up?"

I was starting to feel like a trained monkey. "Three."

"And now?"

"Still three."

"And now?"

"One."

"Fantastic!" He made some notes on a clipboard.

"Do I get a banana now?"

He looked up with confusion. "Hmm? A banana? Are you hungry?"

"No, never mind. Can you just make the beeping stop?"

"I'll make you a deal. You stay awake for me, and I'll make the beeping stop. Do we have a deal?"

Anything to make the beeping stop. "Deal."

"Good answer," he said approvingly. He punched some buttons on one of the several machines that appeared to have sprouted from my body while I was unconscious and, at last, the beeping stopped.

"Thank you," I said sincerely.

"You're welcome."

"Did you make the beeping louder before I opened my eyes?"

"I sure did," he grinned. "We do what we have to do to get the job done. It may be a little early to say, there are quite a few more tests I'd like to do, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that there appears to be no permanent damage from your failed attempt at flying."

When no one even made an attempt to laugh at his weak stab at humor, he hurried on, "Well, I'll give you a chance to talk to these people here. They haven't left your side since you arrived, you know. You're a very fortunate young man to have such caring people around you."

He turned to Mom and Aidan. "Don't keep him up too long, though. I know he just woke up, but rest is still a high priority."

"How much longer will I have to stay here?" I asked as he started for the door.

He looked back in surprise. "You just woke up and you're already in a rush to leave?"

"How long?"

"That depends on what our tests show. If everything checks out, you might be able to leave as soon as tomorrow, provided you pass your psych eval."

"My what?"

"Don't worry about that right now," he said. "One step at a time. Get some rest. Your body has been through a lot."

He turned and left. I turned my attention to my mom and Aidan.

"Psych eval? I'm not crazy."

Mom and Aidan exchanged glances.

"Will," Mom said slowly. "Do you remember why you're here?"

"I jumped off the fire escape." She seemed taken aback by my matter-of-fact tone, so I elaborated, "I tried to kill myself."

"Well...um...that's what they'll want to talk to you about. Not right now, of course, but sometime soon. They won't release you until they are sure you won't..., um, try again. They may want to move you to another facility for a while. Not that you're going anywhere just yet. And when you are released, you'll be coming home with me and your father, of course."

"No."

"What?"

"I'll go back home with Aidan."

"What?" they both said in perfect unison.

I closed my eyes. "I want to go back to the apartment."

There was a long silence, then Mom said, "I don't think that's a good idea."

I opened my eyes again even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

"I don't really care what you think. I don't want to go back with you."

She looked like I'd slapped her.

"But that's your home..."

"It stopped being my home when Dad told me I wasn't welcome there anymore. Where is he anyway?"

She glanced at Aidan again, but didn't answer.

"See? He couldn't even bring himself to be in the same room with me while I was in a coma," I said bitterly. "Why would you think I'd feel welcome there?" I turned my attention to Aidan. "Do you want me to come back?"

It was a loaded question, and we both knew it. How much Mom knew or guessed, though, I didn't know.

"If you want to come back, of course it's okay with me," he said quietly. "It's your home, too."

"Then I'm going home with Aidan," I said with as much finality as I could muster. "I'm tired now."

And I was. I felt like I had just completed a cross-country marathon.

Mom looked upset, as if she wanted to say more, but she just patted my hand, the one that wasn't covered by a full-arm cast, and said, "Of course, sweetie, you get some rest. We'll talk more when you wake up."

That, of course, was exactly what I was afraid of.

Just before my eyes slammed shut, I saw her shoot Aidan a look that clearly said, "We need to talk."

When I woke up next, the sun was slanting low across the floor with a warm glow that told me it was late afternoon. The overhead lights were out, and Aidan was slumped over in the room's one chair, fast asleep. Mom was nowhere to be seen.

As I lay there watching Aidan sleep, it occurred to me how much he had given up for me — first to stay home while I was battling my depression and then sitting here in the hospital waiting for me to wake up. I knew without any doubt that he loved me.

I also knew that, logically, I should love him, too. He was everything anyone in their right mind would want in a guy — loyal, kind, honest, loving, patient, forgiving, persistent, funny, and hot to boot!

But then, people in their right mind don't jump off fire escapes, do they?

I did love him.

I just couldn't shake my feelings for Joey. My mind couldn't accept this new version of Joey, the one Aidan had described right before my big jump. I needed to see it with my own eyes.

Aidan stirred, and his eyes flickered open, immediately making their way to me. "You're awake," he said.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," I said, but my voice came out in a raspy croak so it lost some of its zing in the process.

Aidan grinned. "A bit grouchy, aren't we?"

"In the past month I found out I was gay, lost my best friend, my dad disowned me, lost my job, and failed to off myself. Twice. I think I have a right to be grouchy." That little mini-rant took a lot out of me, leaving me almost gasping.

"Yeah, we know you've had a rough time, Will. So get over it,"|he snapped.

I blinked in surprise. Where were the sickeningly sweet and equally empty platitudes I was so used to?

He wasn't finished, however. In fact, it seemed like he was still building up steam. "It's time to stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself. So what if you're gay? So are, like, ten percent of the world's population. You don't see them jumping off fire escapes! They're throwing parades, for God's sake! And so what if your best friend dumped you? If he can't accept you for who you are, what kind of friend was he to begin with? You deserve better. So what if you lost your job? You already have a great job lined up at Avant Garde — which is still waiting for you, by the way. So what if your dad says you aren't welcome in his home anymore? Your mom has been by your side since I had to call her to tell her about your very nearly successful suicide attempt. She obviously loves you. And even if she didn't, you have a home with me. It's not like you're out on the street, like many, many other gay kids. And I guess, as usual, I'm chopped liver. Do I even register on your radar at all, Will? After everything I've done for you? You'd think after all this, that I'd at least count for something."

His chest was heaving as he slumped back in his chair.

I sat in stunned silence for several minutes while Aidan pulled himself back together.

He stood up. "I was supposed to let them know when you woke up," he said tersely. He started for the door, and then paused. "You know, I've been beating myself up for the past two weeks, blaming myself for your attempted suicide. I shouldn't have said what I said, even though I was hurt. I lashed out and I shouldn't have. I've felt so guilty, like I pushed you off that fire escape. Everyone kept telling me it wasn't my fault, but I wouldn't believe them...until just now. Now, I see that it was your own selfishness that made you jump. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still your friend and I'll be here for you as much as I can, but I'm not going to feel guilty anymore. And I'm not going to let you make me feel like shit anymore, either."

He swept from the room, leaving me feeling raw and guilty. I knew he was right. I had been selfish. I was still selfish, because all I could think at that moment was how much I wished my failed attempt to end my life had been successful. I didn't deserve someone like Aidan. Maybe I didn't deserve happiness at all.

I blinked awake some time later. I had no idea how long I'd been asleep.

"Hello, Will." A voice said from nearby.

I turned to find Dr. Wohler sitting next to my bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

I eyed him warily. "Physically or emotionally?"

"Let's start with physically. I imagine that's an easier answer."

"My arm hurts and my head is killing me."

"Yes, I would imagine so. They'll give you some more pain medication when we're finished, but I need you to be as alert as possible for this conversation, so I'm afraid you can blame me a bit for the amount of pain you feel right now. I'm sorry."

"I guess it's okay."

"You broke a promise you made to me."

"I know."

"And you broke a promise to Aidan. He's been blaming himself."

"I... I know. I'm sorry."

"That's a start. Can you tell me about what happened? What led to you jumping? Help me understand what happened."

I glanced around the room, but we were alone. "What did Aidan tell you?"

"That doesn't matter. I want to hear it from you."

I haltingly recounted that last day at the apartment, how Aidan had almost kissed me that morning, how he'd decided to go back to his bed that night, how I'd laid awake before going to him, and what happened after that. I told him how I felt the next morning, the mix of shame and regret, the uncertainty, the rush of guilt over my unresolved feelings for Joey. Finally, I told him about Aidan's angry response, and how hearing those things about Joey, especially what he'd said about me, seemed to break something inside me.

"And how do you feel about all that?" he asked when I wound down.

"I... I don't know. Aidan said I was selfish."

He raised an eyebrow. "When?"

"Earlier today."

"And what do you think?"

"I think...maybe he was right."

"You were hurting," he said gently.

"Does that mean I wasn't selfish?" I asked.

He sat back and eyed me carefully.

"Some would say that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness, that the person driven to commit such a drastic act is thinking only about what themselves. They want the pain to stop. They want to escape. They don't want to face their problems anymore. They say it's the people left behind who have to deal with the repercussions of their selfishness."

"I never thought of it like that," I said softly.

"I'm not saying I agree with that thinking," Dr. Wohler said. "I believe suicide is the last act of desperation."

I thought about it. "It could be both."

He nodded. "Perhaps. I think we'd be more productive if we spent less time placing blame and more time figuring out what made you do what you did and how we can prevent it from getting to that point again.

"Will, you've let yourself become controlled by your circumstances. You're like a small bird being buffeted by a violent storm."

I thought about the little tree frog I'd painted back when I was still living with my parents. It felt like a lifetime ago, but it had only been a couple of months.

"These things happening to you seem incredibly overwhelming as they're happening," Dr. Wohler continued, "but they are here but for a moment and they're gone tomorrow, to be replaced by new problems. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Will, you've been given a second chance, but it's up to you what you do with it. You might not be as fortunate next time. I don't believe that things happen randomly. By all accounts, you should be dead, and yet here you are."

"I was doing so much better," I said softly. "But then, when Aidan and I fought and he told me what Joey said, it was just like something snapped inside me. I wasn't thinking clearly. Or I wasn't thinking at all. It was like I was on autopilot."

"You were overwhelmed by your pain, which is understandable, but when you're that focused on your pain, you miss the good things that are happening around you. You know, the doctors told me that Aidan hasn't left this room except to eat and shower. They were worried about him, concerned he might collapse."

I turned away. "He deserves better than me."

"Don't you think that might be up to him to decide? At the very least, he could continue to be a source of stability and encouragement for you, but you have to allow him in first."

"But I broke my promise. I promised I wouldn't hurt myself without talking to him first. And then I locked him out and jumped."

"That's a pretty big breach of trust."

"Yes. So why would he even care about me anymore? Why sit here in my hospital room waiting for me to wake up? Why is he willing to let me come back?"

"Maybe for the same reason you still have feelings for Joey. Emotions aren't always so cut and dry."

"It feels like I'm taking advantage of him."

"Are you?"

"I... I don't know. Not intentionally."

"Besides guilty, how does knowing he sat with you for the last two weeks make you feel?"

I thought about it. "Cared for."

"Anything else?"

"Like, even though I haven't treated him fairly, I know I can still count on him. Maybe. He was pretty mad at me earlier. He said he'd never let me make him feel like shit again."

"He was exhausted and emotional. You may find that Aidan is more cautious going forward, less trusting, but I don't think he'll turn his back on you."

"What if I just hurt him again?"

"That might happen. All relationships are a calculated risk. We make ourselves vulnerable. In time, you can rebuild his trust in you, but only if you make an effort. You can start by considering his feelings more. He's sacrificed a lot for you."

"Maybe I don't deserve that."

"Again, that's not always for you to decide. Aidan clearly sees something in you that has inspired this level of care and loyalty. Maybe it's time for you to start seeing what he sees."

"You make it sound so easy."

He smiled. "It's only as hard as you make it. But enough about Aidan. You know, he wasn't the only one here day after day. Your mother was, too."

"But not my father," I spat.

"Perhaps not. But your mother was. How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"What do you think it means that she was here, possibly against your father's wishes?"

"I... I guess it means she still loves me."

"I'd say so. Do you think it means she would still like to have some sort of relationship with you?"

"I guess."

"You should talk to her."

I decided to change the subject. For some reason, it was easier to talk about Aidan than my mother. "So what happens next?"

"Well, that's what I'm here to help decide, isn't it?"

"Wait. Is this my psych evaluation?"

He chuckled. "Were you expecting someone else?"

"I don't know what I was expecting. Are you going to institutionalize me?"

"I don't know. Do you think you should be institutionalized?"

I hesitated. "I don't want to be."

"I don't want you to be either." He sighed. "While they are necessary sometimes, they're not fun places to be, and not always all that easy to get out of once you're in there. I'd much rather we work on a plan to help you keep healing without institutionalizing you, if possible, but a lot of that will depend on you."

"What would that look like?"

"We'd start by upping the dosage of your medication. It seemed to be working well for you before things got derailed."

"Would I go back to Aidan's when I get out?"

"Is that what you want?"

"I... I think so. If he's still willing to have me."

"Maybe we should all talk about what that might look like together. Despite his loyalty, you did hurt Aidan, after all. I want what's best for you, but not at Aidan's expense. Do you understand?"

"Yes, of course. I don't want to hurt him any more."

"I'm glad to hear that. That's a good start."

"When would I get out?"

"That will mostly depend on what Dr, Cherrix says. I'm going to recommend your release on the condition that you see me twice a week. There are many issues that you haven't even begun to deal with. Do you think that sounds like something you can agree to?"

I nodded again.

"Good. For now, just concentrate on getting better. Get some rest." He patted my leg and then left me alone with my thoughts.

Dr. Wohler was right. I had betrayed Aidan twice over, and he was still by my side. I owed him so much...and yet Joey still had first place in my heart. If I ever wanted to move on, I knew I would have to find out if everything was lost with Joey or if there was any hope of salvaging our friendship.

I had to talk to Joey.

When I woke up next, it was completely dark outside. The overhead lights were off, but light spilled in from the hallway, illuminating Mom asleep in the chair.

She woke up as soon as I stirred, or maybe she hadn't been asleep after all. She quickly moved to my side.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Like I jumped off a four-story building."

She gasped. "Will!"

I guess it was still too soon. "Does Dad know you're here?"

"Yes."

"And he's okay with it?"

"It doesn't matter. You're hurt and I'm here, that's all that matters."

"Thanks," I said softly.

She was quiet for a minute, then said, "I don't approve of the way your father has just cut you off."

I smiled at her. I understood that this was her way of apologizing. "But you don't dare go against his wishes, huh?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

She was right, that said...something. I nodded.

"That doesn't mean I understand or approve of...well, you know, but I do still love you with all my heart, and I always will. You're my miracle, twice over now."

"Miracle?"

"We tried so hard to have a baby, for years. The doctors told us I was incapable, that we'd never have a natural child. I wanted to adopt but your father said no, that God had told him to be patient and trust in him. And then...all of sudden, I was pregnant, against all odds. I... I should have never allowed your father to separate us. I'm sorry, Will."

I nodded again since it was too hard to talk around the lump in my throat.

She stayed for quite a while. I told her about my art and Nikki and my new job at the gallery, how I liked the apartment, what a good friend Aidan was — but we carefully avoided any mention of my sexuality or my father.

I couldn't help but feel a little like I was walking on eggshells still, and that made me uncomfortable and a little resentful. I tried to remind myself that this was a big step for her and I should give her time, but I was lying in a hospital bed after a suicide attempt. I was pretty messed up mentally, and that was at least partially the fault of my parents and their reaction to me getting forcibly outed by my former best friend.

After a while I began to get drowsy from the pain medicine so Mom told me to go back to sleep.

"You should rest," she said as she stood up to leave, but then stopped and cocked her head slightly to one side. "You know, I spent a lot of time with Aidan these last two weeks."

I wasn't sure what to say, so I said nothing.

She gave me a small smile. "He's a nice boy, Will."

She patted my hand and left, leaving me wondering if that meant what I thought it did.

I ended up having to stay two more days in the hospital while they ran a battery of tests on me.

Mom stopped by several times a day, though Dad himself never did show up. Instead, he

sent the hospital chaplain to try and talk me into turning my back on my sinful ways. According to him, my homosexual sickness had led to my suicide attempt, as it did most gays, but if I would only repent, I would be freed from my unnatural desires.

Unnatural for whom? They seemed plenty natural to me.

I was about to climb out of bed and physically throw him out of the room, but thankfully, Aidan stopped by at just the right time to ask him politely but firmly to leave.

Aidan had continued coming every day to sit with me, but he wasn't spending the entire day anymore. We still hadn't talked any more about what happened, but he was acting pretty much the same as he ever did.

Laura and Gabe stopped by and brought me a card and a balloon. Killian and Asher called and sent flowers. It was honestly nice that so many people cared about my wellbeing. There was no word from Joey, but I tried not to dwell on that.

All of the many tests Dr. Cherrix and his team ran on me came back encouraging. Apparently, my two-week mandatory nap had allowed my body to heal for the most part. In fact, if it wasn't for my cast, you'd never guess I'd done a belly flop from the fourth floor. Even most of my bruising had faded. I was quite stiff, but the physical therapist assured me that would go away as I moved around more.

Dr. Cherrix finally released me on the condition that I'd take it easy for the next few weeks.

When it came time to leave, Aidan was there to drive me home and help me inside. When he opened the door to our apartment, a loud roar greeted us, "Welcome home!"

The apartment seemed to be full of people. There really weren't that many, but it seemed like more since they were all crowded into our small entryway. I saw Laura, Gabe, Nikki, Sam, Asher, and Killian. I was most surprised to see Mom. Dad was once again nowhere in sight.

There was cake and ice cream, and everyone took turns signing my cast. No one stayed too late, though, since I still tired quickly.

As soon as they were gone, Aidan gave me a pain pill, then helped me down the hall and into bed. When he started out of the room, I called him back.

"Aidan," I began awkwardly, "I'm sorry...about...about everything."

"It's okay, Will—" he started, but I cut him off.

"No. Please let me say this. I'm sorry I came to you like that before I was ready. I'm sorry I broke my promise to you. I'm sorry I was so selfish. But, most of all, I'm sorry I hurt you. I hope you forgive me someday."

He stood for a moment, then quietly said, "You're already forgiven, Will." He turned to leave.

"Forgiven but not forgotten?" I asked.

He paused but didn't turn around. "No, not forgotten."

And he was gone.

As I fell asleep with the aid of the pain pill, I wondered if the damage I had done to our friendship was going to prove more permanent than the damage I'd done to my body.

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