The Last Stand of Haviland Dinwiddie

Chapter 9

By Dabeagle

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The bell jingled over the door, and Daphne waved me over to the desk. “Hey! How are you feeling?”

“Better, thanks. Was pretty crappy this week,” I said with a nod. “What's good with you?”

“I'm good,” she said with a smile. “Rigby will be glad you're feeling better. He's been like a puppy without his boy.”

I let out an embarrassed chuckle. “We do hang out a lot.”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice taking on an odd tone. “So will you and Rigby double date with Kate and Amanda?”

“Oh, I have that on my calendar for never fucking happening,” I said with a big smile and nodding my head. She giggled, covering her mouth for a moment.

“Rigby was bitching about Amanda blowing his phone up. He was telling me Kate had her eyes on you in her own fucked-up way; he ended up blocking Amanda, and then Kate started to message him.”

I shook my head. “Rigby doesn't like to text.”

The bell jingled behind me, and we both looked toward the door. Two men came in, both dressed in work clothes. Just behind them Rigby walked in, school bag on his shoulder and holding the door open for Sandy.

Sandy patted his cheek as she walked by. “If I were a hundred years younger, Rigby!”

He rolled his eyes and followed her to the counter. Sandy gave us a tired greeting and then went into the office area.

Daphne leaned on the counter. “I've been thinking about this thing with Hav, wondering what he's going to do. Did you hear about the fire?”

I blinked at her. “Uh, what fire? When?”

“That Dooley guy, I guess his heating oil tank had a leak or something. There was a fire at his house. No one got hurt, but it's pretty shady that this guy is basically threatening Hav, and all of a sudden his house burns down.” She pressed her lips together and tilted her head down.

Rigby put his bag down behind the counter. “Is that supposed to be a warning? Hav's property is in this legal bullshit either way, so what's the point?”

“Okay,” Sandy said, emerging from the office. Before she could continue, the first of the two men placed a couple of items on the counter. The other was walking toward the counter, so Daphne started to ring them up, and Rigby bagged their items. As the guys left, Sandy put her hands on her hips.

“Rumors aren't going to help anyone,” she said, looking at Daphne.

Daphne sounded apologetic. “There's just a lot of things being said. No one really knows anything.”

Sandy let out a slow breath and nodded, then straightened her glasses. “Look, you're going to hear even more things. I've known Hav a long time, and I know people talk. When people don't do anything all day, they run their mouths. I know you three talk; keep this between yourselves. Understand? Show Hav some consideration by not gossiping all over town.”

“We're really not,” Daphne replied. “We just talk to each other.”

Sandy looked at each of us and let out a sigh. “So you know the town is trying to take Hav's property. They are saying this big box store will build there and increase the tax base and bring jobs.” She waved her hand and made a sound of disgust. “They don't have a commitment from this supposed store; this is mostly Dooley pushing things through.”

Rigby put up a finger. “Uh. I...heard there's beef between Hav and Dooley.”

Sandy crossed her arms. “If you're not gossiping, how would you know?”

“Sandy, we know Hav. We don't even have to say anything before someone says something to us or asks us questions.” She spread her hands out. “Yeah, of course we want to know. It seems like Hav's being set up. I wish we could help, but...you can't blame us for wondering.”

Sandy sighed and relaxed her arms. “I guess you're right about that.” She shook her head slowly. “What you're talking about, Rigby, that's old news. As in everybody knows, not that Dooley isn't still mad. Dooley wasn't building to code, then he'd bribe the inspectors and short the workers. A lot of the workers were here illegally, so they didn't have a lot they could do when he cheated them. Dooley bragged that 'brownies should be happy they get to live at all, let alone have jobs'.”

“Wow. I know who he voted for,” Daphne said. My anxiety began to rise, coupled with anger.

Sandy nodded meaningfully. “There's been this simmer from Dooley's side for ten years. Hav...he didn't like Dooley, but he's not the kind to keep things up for no reason. Once Dooley started coming in here, Hav tolerated him until Dooley got into all this political stuff; he drew the line and told Dooley he didn't want his business. I guess Dooley'd been nursing his resentment, and that was enough to make him decide to try and get even with Hav.”

“You mean get even with him for letting everyone see how crooked and racist he is?” I asked, my voice low.

“E.”

I clenched my fists, and my jaw felt like it was rusted in place.

“E. You good?”

I felt his hand on my shoulder and glanced his way. I glanced around, coming out of a fog to see Daphne and Sandy looking at me with confusion and concern.

“Are you okay, Harvey?” Daphne asked.

“My boy isn't good with racists,” Rigby supplied and patted my shoulder.

Sandy slowly nodded her head at me. “Anyway, that brings us up to today. Hav's lawyer said to use eminent domain the town doesn't have to have an agreement in place for someone to develop the property. They can simply designate the building or property as 'blighted' in order to seize it.”

“That's bullshit,” Rigby said under his breath.

Sandy pressed her lips together and nodded. “I think Dooley is trying to set something up so he gets a kickback for making this land available for development, but that's just me thinking of who Dooley is. There's been rumors for years of something like a Home Depot or Lowe's building out here. The real question was if there was enough money in town to support it, I think. Anyway, Hav had to play a card he really didn't want to – and you're going to hear about it.”

We glanced at each other and back to Sandy.

Sandy turned her gaze toward me. “Hav's father was a violent man. He used to drink, then gamble, then lose. Then he would come home and take that out on his wife and son.”

I swallowed and consciously worked to keep my jaw closed and my eyes from springing open. I was startled, then nervously relieved when Rigby put his hand back on my shoulder. Daphne seemed to pick up on Sandy's gaze and looked at me with an expression of concern.

After Sandy let that sink in she continued. “Some people will talk about times a hundred years ago when we didn't have the communication and recording things we have today – your doorbell cameras and cell phones. They would talk about how people would just go missing. Maybe they went to another town – went out for milk and cigarettes and then just kept going. Started new lives, new families. Well, when Hav's father went missing...his wife said he just went out to meet his friends and never came home.”

I turned my head slightly, gaze still on Sandy but my brain working to read between the lines. Daphne connected the dots and let out a small gasp, and Rigby squeezed my shoulder, grounding me.

“James Dinwiddie was one of those missing people that no one really missed. As time passed, life went on. Hav got a little education, and he opened this store. That skips over where he got into a few scrapes, but young people – you're crazy, you know?” The corners of her mouth pulled up in a halfhearted smile before giving up the pretense.

“So...what does that have to do with what's going on now?” I slowly asked.

Sandy cleared her throat and hugged herself. “Well. One thing that will stop a proceeding like this eminent domain stuff is a police investigation.” She sighed. “It turns out James Dinwiddie never left the property that night.”

We looked at each other; words half formed created a murmur among us as we tried to digest this news.

Sandy rubbed under one of her eyes. “So the state police have the area cordoned off while they start their investigation and are digging up the area. It buys Hav some time and throws a wrench into other people's plans. That's what's going on. As far as you guys, you have jobs. Keep showing up. I'll run things when Hav isn't here, but he's not in any legal trouble and should be back in the store soon. I have to go talk to Paul and Raul.”

Sandy headed for the back of the building, and we huddled up, though I was mentally struggling.

“That all sounds like things are on hold, but not over,” Daphne said softly. “I can't believe his dad did that to him. Hav's a big, grouchy teddy bear.”

For my part, my whole body felt tight with tension. My stomach was in knots, tightening and then relaxing only to twist tightly again.

Rigby picked up his school bag and set it on the counter. He unzipped it and dug around for a moment and then made a triumphant noise, and he pulled out something and handed it to me. “I thought you might want one, since you're feeling better.”

I accepted the item, my mind still slowly swirling with the revelations, the anger about the racism that felt incredibly personal to me. I looked at the object, unable for a moment to process it, and then my mind suddenly translated what my eyes were seeing. A Hundred Grand bar. Fat tears welled up in my eyes, and I tried to squash them. I could hear Daphne and Rigby asking me what was wrong, but I don't think I could have told them right then. I'm not sure I really understood what I was feeling.

I was tired from having been sick, sure. Maybe a little restless, because I hadn't done much for a few days, but I wasn't my normal self yet either. The news about Dooley had caught me off guard; it was like something small but painful had slipped right past my defenses and started burning me from within. Adding in that Hav was a victim of abuse sent my mind flipping from one connecting point to another.

Hav had been abused. Hav provides apartments to victims of abuse.

I'm a victim.

I started to pull out of my emotions, conscious of my friends trying to comfort me. Daphne was wiping a tissue across my cheeks while pressing a wad of them into my hand. Rigby had his arm around my shoulders and was pulling me to him. I wanted to fold up and hold him tightly, bury my face on his shoulder and just shut everything out. Instead I inhaled deeply and took the tissues from Daphne, wiping at my eyes and blowing my nose.

“Sorry. Sorry, guys,” I muttered.

“All good, E,” Rigby said quietly.

“Don't apologize,” Daphne stated. “It's a lot.”

I ran my thumb and forefinger over my face, pressing on my eyes and then blinking rapidly. “Yeah. I'm okay.”

Daphne put her hand on my forearm. “Harvey. You know it's okay if you aren't okay. Right?”

I nodded as I took a shaky breath. “Really, it's just....”

“Your favorite candy bar makes you cry?” Rigby teased. I let out a choking cough and smiled at him.

“Yeah, I guess,” was all I could think to reply with. There was no way I could tell him how touched I was that he'd remembered something I'd liked and took the time to get me one – just because. It was a tiny act of kindness, one innocent thing to push me into my little meltdown.

“How 'bout I walk you upstairs?” Rigby asked.

“Nah. I'm good. Really. I'll pick you up for school, okay?”

He moved his head a little, a gesture I interpreted as asking if I was sure.

“I'm good, Rig. Thanks, though.”

He waited a beat. “Okay. I'm going to go see what Paul has for me,” he said and shouldered his bag before heading to the back of the building.

“Harvey,” Daphne said quietly. “If...I know you and Rigby are kind of sharing one mind right now, but...I just want you to know I'm here for you. Me and Tony.”

I rubbed my face. “Thanks, Daphne. I'm...it was just a whole bunch of things all at once.”

She nodded slowly. “I can't imagine what that must have been like for Hav as a kid.” Another pause. “Or you. I just want you to know we care.”

I lifted my gaze. It was obvious she'd connected the dots and knew what had brought my mom and I here. “Thanks. I'm not...I don't really talk about it. Rigby knows, but it was...I didn't plan to tell him. It was...a moment.”

She shook her head a little. “You don't owe me that. Anyone can see you and Rigby are...something good's happening there.” She smiled. “I ship you guys.”

I blinked a few times. “You what?”

She smiled and covered her mouth with the tips of her fingers for a moment. “Sorry, not sorry. You guys are such a great match of personalities. I'm not surprised you'd share something important, even if you hadn't really meant to, just because you guys fit together so well.” She grinned. “I can't say I really knew Rigby that well; better after working here, but there's a new side of him now that he's got a real friend.”

“Oh. Well, yeah. Rigby's...he's great.”

“You know what's funny about Tony?” she asked, then continued without waiting for me to answer. “He has the ability to challenge me to be better. Not like mansplaining things, but because he takes me and my views just as seriously as he does his own. It's one of the ways I know he cares, because it's not all about him.” She glanced toward the door as a customer entered, greeted them, and then turned her attention back to me. “Rigby comes from nothing. I think it says a lot that he remembered your favorite candy and got you one.”

“It's just a candy bar,” I replied weakly, even though I'd been thinking the same thing.

She shook her head. “It's Rigby giving what he can. It's like...if someone has a hundred bucks and buys you a sandwich, that's nice. But when someone has ten bucks and buys both of you lunch – I know, I don't know where you could buy two lunches for ten bucks, but go with me – it means more, because they have less and are still willing to share. I think that says a lot.”

My mouth worked a few times before I started to sputter, but it was mostly noise. “I...well..don't...think that....”

She grinned and shook her head. “Don't say anything. I'm just running my mouth, like Sandy says. Forget I said anything.”

Like that's going to happen, I thought.

I left the shop, but felt too emotionally messy to go back to the apartment and sit. I tucked my hands in my pockets and started to walk instead. There was no real breeze to speak of, so even though it was chilly, it wasn't enough to get into your bones, not yet. My thoughts swirled and mixed with my emotions, like paint colors being added to a bucket and stirred.

Dooley's racism hadn't surprised me, but as I thought of what had been said, I realized no one ever said he'd gone to jail. I'm pretty sure he'd lost his business, and there had been penalties as the insurance people had gotten involved, but it didn't sound like anyone had put Racist McRed Hat behind bars. Worse, it sounded like someone managed to get enough people that didn't think racism or cheating people was enough reason to not vote for the guy to get him into a position of power in town.

So I'd already been riled up with impotent rage about that. But then to find out that Hav was providing a home for people who'd suffered like he had, a place to heal and get on their feet, because someone had done that to him had really slapped me in my brain.

I have no real idea what I've lost, because I never had it. Sure there was stuff I knew other kids did that I hadn't – sports, birthdays, overnights – what some people might call being a kid. Those things were mostly just words and disappointment, because I had no real experience. It would be different if I'd been allowed, for instance, sleep overs and then had them taken away. Then I'd know what I'd lost, but now...it was just this nebulous idea of having missed out. It hurt. It was a hollow feeling, not knowing what you missed and how to deal with it.

The fact that someone was now trying to hurt Hav made me angry and also made me feel hopeless. If you grow up to be a bear of a man like Hav – own a business, help others and stand up to bigots, but you could be brought down? What hope is there for the rest of us? How unfair is it that he suffered so much and someone is still coming for him?

I can't leave out Daphne and the things she was dancing around saying. She thinks there's something going on between Rigby and me, but there isn't. I'm not even sure I wish that there were. I don't know how I would handle that relationship. Just the thought makes me anxious, makes me jittery. I know some of it is probably just nerves from attraction and that I've never had a close relationship like this. I'd never confided in anyone about any of the abuse from my father. In some ways I was still struggling with my emotions over having told him. On the one hand it made me feel incredibly close to him, but it also made me feel very vulnerable and out of control. That's no way to start something.

By this time I'd walked several blocks and was starting to feel more of the cold. Just being able to identify the various things that were bothering me felt good, in a way. I was identifying and ordering them, so they couldn't hide like something I couldn't see waiting in the dark. I took my hands from my jacket and adjusted my collar. As I did I felt something scratch across my stomach, and I reached for it, confused and startled. Pulling at my waist, my fingers stumbled against the object – and then I felt silly. It was the edge of the wrapper from the candy bar Rigby had given me. I blew out a breath and laughed to myself – what an idiot. Freaking out over a candy bar wrapper like a snake was going to bite me. I practically felt my heart fall out through my ass, I'd been so unnerved.

“I'm never telling Rigby about this,” I said aloud and unwrapped one end of the bar. I walked back toward home and tried to focus on just enjoying the candy. I couldn't help feeling warm at the thought of why I had it, and I decided that was okay.

Once home, I got changed for bed and went to hang out with my mom.

“That was a long visit,” she commented.

“Yeah.” I closed my eyes and took a few breaths before opening them again. “Hav's in some trouble.”

“You mean that legal thing you mentioned?”

“That's the start of it,” I agreed. “But...did you know why we got this apartment?”

Mom shifted on the couch to face me. “Freida – you remember her? From the shelter?”

I smiled at her. “It wasn't that long ago. I remember.”

“Smart mouth,” she replied. “She works with housing places for people in our situation. She said this was a safe place and that she'd used them before.”

I nodded. “Turns out...Hav's father was violent. He rents these apartments out for 'people in our situation',” I said, not liking the soft language but feeling like it was needed here. “He does it because he's knows what it's like.”

My mother's expression softened. “That's kind of him. Sometimes people try to make things better for those that come after them.”

I nodded. “Apparently his mom killed her husband. They're digging his body up.”

Her eyes went wide and she covered her mouth, and then moved it to rub her jaw. “Well. I...that's terrible.”

“Yeah.” I decided not to tell her the rest – the racism, the fire, my emotions about Rigby. Instead I wandered back into my room and lay down, letting my mind wander. I tried to picture Hav as a teen, probably a big boy. Maybe something like he is now, a gentle giant. I thought of his mom, of a final fight in which she did what she had to. I wondered...could my mother and I ever do that? Even the thought of my father was enough to make me tense.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

In the morning I picked up Rigby for school. Our drive was quiet to start, but then he asked about getting together to do our work. Of course I agreed. We both had the night off, though I was on all weekend again. My day was going fine until I got in line for lunch. Amanda and Liddy, two thirds of the coven, were leaning against the wall across from me.

“Hey, faggot,” Amanda said, smiling in a cruel way.

My internal temperature went up. I glanced at her, looked around like I didn't know who she was talking to, and then tried to ignore her.

“What's the matter? Don't like getting some va-jay-jay?”

I started to sweat. “I don't like getting STDs,” I replied.

She pushed off from the wall, and Liddy trailed beside her. I tried to ignore her as she approached and leaned in to talk at me.

“You should leave Rigby alone. He's not going to crack you.”

I glanced at her and laughed. “So if he won't get with you, I must be trying to fuck him? Do you hear yourself?”

“He's just not getting with me because of you. Quit filling his head with your gay shit!”

I lost my temper. “What gay shit? News flash, someone not fucking you doesn't mean they're gay. They just have standards higher than a slut!”

Then she started trying to slap me, and then there was an adult, and that's how I ended up in the school office for the first time in a long, long time. I was still boiling, but it was strange. Anger wasn't an emotion I was used to dealing with. In some ways I'd thought it had been beaten from me, but here it was – big as life and twice as ugly.

“Mr. Emerson?” I looked up at the assistant principal, a man I'd only seen once, when Rigby had been down here that first day. “It's Diaz,” I said as I stood.

He didn't comment, just indicated I should follow him back into his office. His office was long and narrow. His desk was up against the wall lengthwise, so when I sat down I was facing his chair rather than the front of his desk.

“Sounds to me like you weren't much of a gentleman,” he said, tilting his chin up a bit in challenge.

“There wasn't someone to be a gentleman to,” I replied.

The corners of his mouth edged downward. “That's a poor attitude.” He turned toward his desk and started to type. “You'll have detention after school today, given it's your first offense.”

“I was standing in line for lunch. Was I supposed to ask the young lady to watch her mouth and just ignore her?”

“Ignoring pests usually works best,” he said without a trace of irony. I was grumbling to myself as I went to the lunchroom, got something I could shove into my gut quickly and rushed to my next class.

When I met up with Daphne in class, she had a sly smile on her face that made me suspicious before I sat down. “What?” I asked.

“Are you just anti-witch or what?” she asked, her smile growing just a fraction.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “How bored do people have to be in the school that things get spread so fast?”

She smiled a bit wider and tilted her head from side to side. “Enigmatic, attractive new guy, keeps turning down willing girls, spends a lot of time with a single guy. I think it makes people more curious about you.”

Ignoring her implication, I replied, “Which says zero about you hearing about this stupid argument today.”

She laughed lightly, but our conversation was interrupted by class getting started. The teacher had just a few things to go over before reminding us we had a big test the following week and to start on the assigned reading and review material. Of course that led directly to people not even pretending to read or review, and Daphne was no exception.

“One of the guys at your lunch table was ahead of you in the line, so he heard it all. You know, over the people laughing.” She smiled, covering her mouth with her hand.

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“At least you and Rigby can be in detention together.”

I raised an eyebrow and waited.

“Of course, that doesn't do you any favors when it comes to the rumors you guys are on the down low.”

I put my head in my hands and shook it all in one. I didn't need this. I didn't want any rifts in my relationships and especially not between me and Rigby. “I wish people would stop,” I said quietly.

“I was kind of surprised, but in a good way,” Daphne said.

I lifted my head with a sigh. “Why?”

“I told you, I never knew Rigby really well. We've grown up together, but not with the same friend group.” I nodded that I was listening. “I never had anything against him, but I'll admit I hadn't really thought about him that much either. Once he started working at the hardware store with me this past winter, I thought he was really personable and likable. He's...Brock gone right, in a way. He's got the looks but never acts like it makes a difference the way some people do. You know, the black pill people.”

I propped my head on my hand. “Black pill people?”

She nodded and frowned. “People who think your whole life is decided by how good you look. I mean, hello? That stuff is subjective. Some people think having abs means you should get laid every night and have people handing you money.”

“Isn't that the Only Fans business model?”

She laughed lightly. “That actually kind of makes my point. Some people are just doing things with their feet and people pay for it. You have no idea what their face looks like or their body or if they just shit their pants. People are just focusing on this one thing instead of the whole person.”

“Yeah, I see your point.”

“So Rigby never acted like his face card was a free pass, but I guess that became more obvious to me when I got to know him better. I don't know if he was ever interested in me, but I think that's a good thing, because he knew I was dating and never even made a comment or gave me a look that made me feel like he'd cross that line.”

I nodded a bit. “Yeah, Rigby's decent. I'm sorry. Where are we going with this?”

She paused and seemed to think. “Oh! Right, so. Someone obviously had to tell Rigby what was said, and he put Kate on blast. At first it was just in a group chat, but it spilled into the hallway.”

I felt pressure rising in my skull. “What happened?”

“I could show you, but really he was talking about Kate and saying things like 'Imagine you're so chopped that if someone says no to you, they must be gay.' He was just running her down for not being able to take it that you'd said no – he wasn't even talking about him.”

Fuck. I don't want this. Rigby doesn't need this. I wish things would just slow down.

“Hey,” Daphne said softly. “You okay?”

I sighed and straightened up. “I just don't want any of this. People have to get into everyone else's business.” I paused and something clicked in my brain. “Wait, why did Rigby get detention?”

“Oh! Yeah, so Amanda started yelling at him the hallway, I heard it was stuff about him blocking her, and I guess he just said some stuff a teacher heard, so he got bounced to the office.”

I shook my head. “That vice-principal is a douche.”

“Carlson? Yeah. He's been pretty vocal about not using preferred pronouns or names. You'd think an educator would be smarter than that, but I think he's been in administration too long,” she said. “He's been obviously hostile to any LGBT kids, too. Like, not calling them names or something, but being discriminatory, saying they should straighten up and stuff.”

I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh. “Rigby and I are not dating.”

I heard her slide her chair a little closer. I opened my eyes, and she leaned forward a bit. I don't know why, really, but I did the same.

“I'm not trying to say you guys are. I'm not even trying to push that point of view. There are plenty of guys who have close guy friends in school, and that doesn't make them a couple, so I get where you're coming from with that.”

“Thank you.”

“But I've also been thinking, maybe more to challenge myself because I don't have any friendships with anyone who's gay or non-binary or whatever. So at first when you and Rigby got close, I thought – huh. Mystery guy. No dating history. Rigby's got a few exes. What if they were? I thought about that sometimes, because my first reaction was no, but then I eventually asked myself why.”

I let out a frustrated laugh. “Because we're not?”

“Oh, it wasn't if it was real or not. My question to myself was so what if it was?” She tilted her head, and I looked at her from the side of my eye. “I started thinking about it and thinking back on how I know Rigby now and what I knew of him overall, like before we were friendly or more than just people that said hello once in a while. Something...kind of was obvious to me.”

I turned my head a bit toward her, curious in spite of myself.

“Rigby...never had anyone that was just his. Brock was the big man for a while, and Rigby was sort of just in his shadow. He went to some parties because Brock was his way in. He dated, but he never went down the path Brock did, either in sports or relationships. Now...Rigby has someone who actually is his best friend, instead of someone like Gordo.”

I thought about that for a moment, but my brain just wasn't processing information anymore.. “Is his name actually Gordon? Like first or last?”

“Actually it's Justin Flint. I have no idea why he's called Gordo,” she said with a little smile.

I snorted and took a few breaths. “I just don't want someone giving Rigby a hard time because of what they think of me.”

“I understand, but...we don't get to control that. Too many trolls.” Her eyes went wide. “Oh, you know what? I think I kind of do remember where Gordo came from. A lot of us kids went to an after-school program – poor kid daycare, basically – and there was this lady, Mrs. Morales. She used to call him...Gordita? Gordomo?”

“Gordito?” I offered.

“Yeah! That sounds right. Anyway, kids started calling him Gordo.”

“That wasn't nice,” I said.

“Why?”

I let out an embarrassed laugh. “She was calling him chubby. Gordo means fat, gordito is like...a little fat. Chubby.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Shut up! Really?”

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